Page 200 of Fragments
I stare at him. “And you said you… haven’t been with anyone else… inmonths??”
He huffs out a strained chuckle. “Yea… Not since this talk I had with Dash before he broke out.”
“Hold on, sinceDashwas still here??” I gasp.
His head wobbles as he smiles wistfully. “That fucker really got in my head…”
“Goddamnit, Ren!” I bark, and he flinches. “Why didn’t you say anything?!”
“Because I didn’t want to jinx it or put too much pressure on myself.” He chews on his bottom lip. “It hasn’t been easy… And I know you probably don’t get it at all, but for me, it’s like kicking a serious habit. I didn’t want you to get all excited, only for me to let you down.” He blinks heavily. “I came really close to letting Jasper fuck me. It’s like a reflex or something, I don’t know. But I didn’t want it. Idon’t, and I think… Hopefully, today was like the first step. The hardest one. And I still beat it, even if everyone expects me to fail. At least I did it for me.”
Wow… I have never wanted to rip my own balls off more than I do right now.
“Fuck, Ren…” I hum, dropping my forehead to his. “I’m so fucking sorry… Jesus, I can’t even tell you how horrible I feel right now.”
“Well, good, because that’s exactly what I was hoping for,” he grunts sarcastically, and I snort.
“No, I mean it. I should’ve let you explain…”
“I lost the right…”
“No. That’s not true.” I can feel that he wants to protest, but I don’t let him. “Just because you fucked up in the past, that doesn’t give me the right to project future fuck-ups onto you.” I grab his face in my hands, dizzy as my breaths brush and he whimpers. “I’msosorry I didn’t listen… I’m sorry I didn’t see that you’re trying. You’ve beentrying, Ren, and it all makes sense now… I should’ve tried harder to understand what you’re going through.”
He blinks. “I don’t want you to apologize.”
“Well, I’m going to. Over and over. I feel like shit.”
“Then I’m sorry too… for scaring you.”
My lungs are tight, stomach flipping and flopping. “Ican’tlose you… No matter what, I don’t want to lose you, sweet flame.”
His throat bobs. “Really?”
“Yea.” I nod, our foreheads pressed together. “Don’t do that again… Please?”
“Okay…” he whispers. “I won’t.”
“Thank you.” I press a soft kiss on his lips, and when he kisses back, it lifts me up out of the atmosphere. “Are you okay? Tell me what you’re feeling…”
“I still hate myself,” he mumbles, chewing on his lip.
“That’s to be expected.” I smirk, hoping to lighten the mood by teasing him, and it works, because he smiles.
But it falls away quick. “I’ll keep trying…” He shivers out the words, nervously, in that deep voice that rumbles from his chest, melting me into a puddle. “Iwantto keep trying for you, Lexington. You still need action, not words.”
“I believe in you… I do.” I kiss him again because I can’t not. My lips part over his, sucking gently while my fingers comb through his silky hair. “I’m still afraid. I won’t tell you I’m not, but that’s never mattered before.”
“I swear to God, you should be running so fast in the opposite direction,” he croons into my mouth, fisting my shirt as our kisses grow hungrier.
“I know… Apparently, I’m not very smart.”
Chuckling, he rolls on top of me, the heat around us nearly stifling while we kiss and pant and tongue each other like two inseparable idiots.
A broken soul and the foolish man who won’t stop trying to hold him together.
Brushing my fingers up his arm, I hum, “Do you have a first-aid kit? We should really try to take care of that cut…”
“We will…” His mouth goes for my neck, kissing and nipping while our hips move together. “I just need you right now, beautiful boy.”
