Page 204 of Fragments
“Yo, Kang,” Lex calls to him, and his sullen gaze lifts. “You never told me how that book was.”
Byron stares at him for a moment, losing a lot of the hardness around his eyes. “It sucked.”
Lex laughs, and Byron cracks a smile. And nowI’mthe jealous one—back to normal. Because I just don’t understand why Byron will give up his hostility for Lex, but with me, it’s like he suddenly hates my fucking guts.
Maybe he has feelings for Lex… and he’s mad because I’m taking Lex away from him.
The thought sours my stomach until it’s rolling.
The two of them are chatting about some book, then Byron asks Lex about the computer, which he’s happy to talk about in great detail. And as much as I wish I could join the conversation, I’m just sitting quietly, letting them have their moment. I guess it’s all I can do… Hopefully, Byron just misses having time with Lex as a friend.
Lex’s hand stays on mine the whole time, his fingers absentmindedly trailing from my palm up to the bandage on my wrist and back down. Glancing over at the door, I see Joy and Rook teasing each other. And I remember the morning after I cut my wrist open, when Joy gave me stitches.
Admittedly, she’s not great at it, but she managed. Eight of them, to be exact.
I still feel a little foolish for doing that to myself, especially after seeing how much it upset Lex. The need to self-harm is something I’ve been struggling with since I was a kid, but I think I’m getting better. At least, I’m trying to… Just like I’m trying to overcome my lustful afflictions.
It’s been difficult, not just because the guys in this prison aren’t registering that I’m done letting them plow me like a cornfield. The issue with my sex addiction is that it has nothing to do with my feelings for Lex. It doesn’t mean I don’t love him, because I do. More thananything. It doesn’t even mean Iwantto have sex with people who aren’t him, because I don’t.
Sex for me has always been a way to escape from myself. To feel something raw and rough that fills the empty void in my chest. It’s the pleasure and pain I’m addicted to, the burn of them both singeing inside me.
But now that I have Lexington Deon, now that I’m giving it arealshot with him, I know I don’t need either of those things to feel alive anymore. Because he gives me everything I’ve been missing all my life. He gives me affection, and purpose, hope… He gives melove.
It probably sounds corny as fuck, but I feel like his love cures me.
Alright, that’s enough before I break into song.
Joy steps away to take a phone call just as Velle is slinking into the room, he and Rook giving each other the hungry eyes. I don’t even think they’re saying anything, but I guess they don’t need to. It’s all in the heated gazes, the lip-biting, and the subtle slip of Rook’s finger through one of Velle’s belt loops to pull him closer.
Shifting my face back in Lex’s direction, I bite the inside of my cheek. He makes me so much better… but I’m not sure he could say the same about me. And the thought bums me out a little.
I don’t want to be the liability in the relationship.
My burdened thoughts are interrupted when Joy strides up to our table, falling into the seat next to Byron. His eyes are immediately on her, and it reminds me that they’ve hooked up before—a few times, from what I understand.
That could be another thing weighing on him… He lost both of his fuck-buddies—me and Joy. I can see that being a drag.
“Listen up, chiclets,” Joy says to the three of us, her voice hushed. “There’s something I’m going to allow you to do, but you need to keep it discreet. It has tostaybetween you three. Any of you flaps your lips, and you’ll be answering to me.” Her accusatory glare finds me specifically. “Got it?”
“Why are you singling me out?” I frown.
“Yea, we got it,” Lex answers for us, ignoring me. “What’s this…thingwe’re allowed to do?”
She stands up and nods. “Come with me.”
She starts walking away, and the three of us share a confused look before quickly scrambling up to follow her. Joy brings us out into the hallway, casting a quick grin at Rook and Velle pawing at each other as we pass them.
Once we’re around the corner, she stops us. “Stay right in this spot, okay? Out of sight of the cameras.” We nod in agreement, and she pulls her cell phone out of her pocket, holding it up to her ear. “You still there?”
I glance at Lex, his wide eyes meeting mine as he shakes his head nervously. I’m intrigued as hell right now.Who the balls is she talking to??
“Yea, yea,” Joy rasps over the line, smirking. “You definitely owe me more than one at this point. Your man owes me about a hundred himself. Okay, here’s Luth.”
She hands the phone to Lex, and he snatches it up quickly, some kind of hopeful excitement on his face.
“Hello?” he speaks quietly into the phone, and immediately his eyes widen, mouth sloping into a massive smile. “Oh myGod, I’m so fucking happy to hear your voice again!”
Lex falls back against the wall, his free hand resting on his chest.
