Page 49 of Fragments
Her voice cracks, my heart splintering in my chest. “As I got older, they started phasing me into different… things. That’s why I was able to go online and meet you guys, even though I know they still monitor everything I do. When I turned eighteen, they moved me to a new place. It’s better, I guess… in theory. But I’m still under their thumb because I have no education, no life of my own. I’m just…stuck. A twelve-year-old girl, frozen in time. As far as the rest of the world is concerned, Alleah Tilsen doesn’t exist anymore. I’ve been missing for so long, they all just assume I’m dead. I might as well be…”
My head starts shaking back and forth, bile lurching up into my throat. “No. Don’t say that. You’re not dead, Leah. You’realive, and you’re a witness. We need to do something… We need to stop them! They can’t be getting away with this… I’ll help—”
“You don’t get it,” she sighs, audibly exhausted. “This isn’t the movies… They’ll never be caught, or stopped. I’m not supposed to be talking about this…”
My muscles are straining as my feet give up and stare at the wall, gulping again and again. “Okay, but there has to besomethingwe can do. Where are you now?? I’ll come find you and—”
“No, you won’t,” she huffs. “And even if they let me go, it wouldn’t matter. Look at the Franklin cover-up… That’s just one small part of it. It goessomuch deeper. I’m really not supposed to be telling you any of this. If they find out, they’ll kill me…”
Slamming my eyes shut, I rub them hard, trembling down to my core. I can’t fuckingbelievewhat I’m hearing. Never in a million years could I have anticipated this…
“This can’t be true,” I rumble, digging my fingers into my eyes until I’m seeing spots. “This is like… the shit you read about in fucking conspiracy theory subreddits. This isn’treal…”
“Mhm. That’s good, Luth,” she rasps. “Keep thinking that. It’s definitely for the best, trust me.”
“This is fucked!” I growl, and I can picture her wincing. “FuckingJesus…”
“Luthor, please calm down,” she replies, way too casually for my jacked-up emotions to handle. “I don’t want you to freak out, okay? The only reason I’m even telling you this now is because I know they can’t break through your encryption.”
Despite how much I’m freaking out inside, I can’t help the momentary spot of pride, because she’s right. It’s a smart move, and obviously she’s confident in my skills, which soothes the pain and rage I’m feeling for a moment, just a dab.
It also makes me think…
Staggering over to my chair, I sink down into it. “I can’t…” I breathe unsteadily as pressure builds behind my eyes. “I can’t let this happen, Leah. I need to help you. We have to stop this…”
“Luth,please,” she sniffles. It sounds like she’s crying, and Ihateit, like a knife of sadness plunging into my heart. “I didn’t tell you this to upset you, or for you to try to save me or some bullshit. There’s nothing you can do. There’s nothinganyonecan do. I’m only telling you because I care about you… I care about yousomuch, and I just didn’t want you to think I was vanishing because I don’t like you. I do.” She pauses for a moment, then whispers, “You were right… Weshouldlove each other. I mean, I wish we could…”
Tears are pushing painfully, creating a throb inside my skull. “We can. We totally can… I love you, Leah.”
“I love you, Lex.”
As a friend, I expect her to say. But she doesn’t.
Shedoesn’tsay it, and I feel like I’m falling apart.
I’m not sure if the love I feel for Leah is romantic… Honestly, I’ve never been able to tell. Becoming friends with someone is my default setting; it happens a million times easier for me than the relationship stuff.
But it doesn’t matter, because I care deeply for this person, and despite the lack of details she’s giving me, I know what’s happening to her… what’s probably been happening since she was a child and way too young to be put into such situations. It’s making me sick to my stomach with furious despair.
The logical side of my brain has always been just as loud and persistent as the emotional side, and it’sscreamingat me right now.
“I have to… do something.” I choke on the words, gripping the edge of my desk. “I’ll call someone… The police, or the FBI, or…”
“Come on, man,” she almost chuckles. “You’re smarter than that. These are the most powerful people in the country, even theworld. The only thing you’ll accomplish by pressing this is getting yourself into trouble. They’re like Houdini… They can make anything disappear.”
“Okay, well, what do you expect me to do, then??” I snap. “Acceptthis?? You really expect me to sit here and play Fallout with you like nothing is wrong?! Leah, you’re ahuman being, not someone’s property, to be paraded around for their sick amusement!”
A tiny sob escapes her, and I feel just awful for making it happen. But I can’t help it… She’s being way too casual about this. It must be some kind of Stockholm Syndrome or something, a symptom of living the way she has for so long.
You never how terrifying your reality looks through the fresh eyes of an outsider.
“You think I’m an idiot, don’t you?” Leah croaks. “You think I should have been fighting tooth and nail to escape them?? Well, guess what, Lex? You don’t know shit!”
“No, Leah, that’s not—”
“Isawwhat happened to the kids who tried to escape… I’ve seen more disgusting, depraved, devastating shit than you can even imagine, okay?? Yea, I used to fight back. But it only made thingsworse, and so I made a choice. I chose to keep my head down, and to survive as best I could, no matter how much Ihateit. No matter how much I want to fuckingmurderthe shit out of these assholes for ruining my life… and the lives of so many poor children. Believing you can fight back is naïve.”
Her voice trails off for a moment, and we both just breathe in silence.
