Page 94 of Fragments
But despite staggering through this friendship like I’m drunk in a cornfield maze, the most complicated aspect of hanging out with Ren is the fact that he apparently has adieselcrush on me.
At first, I assumed he was just a flirtatious guy, which he is. But lately, it seems to have upgraded, from casual remarks and lingering looks, to a constant, possessive fawning.
A few weeks ago, he punched Gomez in the face for bumping me in the showers. I mean, I’m not saying it wasn’t hilarious, but it was also totally unnecessary. It’s like if anyone even comesnearme for anything, Ren steps in. Like he’s my bodyguard.
Or worse… My hothead boyfriend.
He’s always giving me gifts, and finding little excuses to touch me.And then there’s the matter of him kissing me in my cell that time…
Yes, it was awkward, and it made my stomach feel strange, but I’d prefer to just act like it never happened and move on. Unfortunately, denial doesn’t work when the person who kissed you is Warren Xavier.
Just the other day, for example, we were the last ones out of the showers, and he came up behind me, and whispered in my ear, “I think about your lips all the time…”
I think about your lips all the time?? I mean, who even says that??
What would there be to think about, anyway? They’re justlips. Everyone has them. But he acts like mine are some rare delicacy he had to travel far and wide to find, and now he’s justdesperateto spend long amounts of time savoring them.
It’s a confusing thing to know your friend is thinking when he’s looking at you.
I’ve stressed to him countless times that I’m not gay, and I’mnotgoing to reciprocate whatever it is he’s trying to do. But he doesn’t seem worried about it. For someone so apparently smitten, he sure as shit takes rejection well. Almost too well… Like he doesn’t believe me when I say it’s never gonna happen.
The whole thing has thrown me all outta whack. I’m constantly wondering if today’s the day he’s going to shove me into a corner and assault with me that soft, lying mouth again.
He won’t do it… I’m sure he won’t.
If he wanted to kiss me again, he would’ve done it already.
After all, it’s been weeks…
My thoughts are jumbled and hectic as we’re brought out of our cells for the rare late shower group. It’s strange having no cellmate again. While everyone else is walking out as a pair, I’m all alone. I guess I should be used to it, but it just feels weird.
The night Ren kissed me, Toby tried to escape. He was sent down to solitary after he made a scene in the caf, and he never came back. We asked and asked if he was okay, but no one would tell us anything. Finally, Officer Porter—this affable dimwit known for having loose lips—caved and told us the truth.
Toby managed to get out of the prison. I guess that plan of his worked because he actually made itoutside. Porter wouldn’t tell us how, but apparently, Toby was cornered by guards on the West coast of the island, where this huge, jagged cliff overlooks the water. Rather than facing the repercussions of coming back, Toby dove into the ocean and was eaten by sharks.
Not kidding. That’s what we were told… Fucking Jaws ate my cellmate alive.
It was likely the fall that killed him—he would have impaled himself on the rocks for sure. But either way, the sharks got a nice meal, my friend gone, and I have a cell to myself once more.
I was pretty upset when it happened, but moving on is the only option. Grieving does nothing to help you get by. People die everywhere. In here, it serves as a warning to the rest of us.
We’re trapped for life, even if thelifepart isn’t guaranteed.
Sauntering to the end of the row, I sidle up next to Ren. He notices me right away, as usual, but his greeting tonight is a little less enthusiastic than usual.
I can always expect him to offer me a smile with extra eye contact that warms my face. Sometimes, he’ll brush his fingers on my back and whisper a corny pick-up line, like,“Did it hurt… when you fell from heaven, angel?”
It makes me squirm uncomfortably when he does it… But when hedoesn’tdo it, I’m even more tense. So who the hell knows what’s going on.
Today, however, his smile seems a bit strained, as is his voice when he murmurs, “Hey, Lex.”
Why doesn’t he seem excited to see me? Is he mad at me or something??
The neediness I’m feeling from not getting his full attention is beyond fucking moronic, and I stuff it down inside myself, focusing on being afriend, rather than a codependent weirdo.
“What’s up…?” I ask nervously, noting that Ren’s hand is on Parker’s back… Not mine.
But when I peer around him, I notice that Parker is sorta slumped, and Ren is helping him walk. Parker’s skin is too pale, almost a grayish hue taking over him, and it’s clear he’s lost more weight than normal in this place. He was already a slim guy, but now he’s almost skeletal.
