Page 111 of Phobia
Fuck.I nodded slightly. “I don’t feel like I know anyone anymore but who knows how it will go. I might see someone I know.” I shrugged and looked down trying to avoid her question about the moon because how the fuck was I supposed to explain that? “Always seems like the night is crazy, ya know?”
“Sure. Talk to me about where you’re at with your feelings of safety and agoraphobia? What do you think brought it on?” Sometimes her questions annoyed me, but I knew she was just doing her job. I knew why I had agoraphobia but it’s not like I could just spill my guts to her. It wasn’t aboutmysafety. It was about the safety of others. How was I supposed to explain that?
“I feel…fine. It’s not like I’m afraid of my own shadow, Doc. I have a ridiculous number of locks on the doors so I can’t…to um keep anyone out.” She smiled slightly but she didn’t look convinced.
“I’m glad you’ve taken measures to feel safe. What about friends? What about women? What will you do now that you’ve broken things off with Elle?” I rolled my eyes at her.
“Don’t roll your eyes, Silas. You’re a man with needs. Those needs are physical, emotional, and mental. You need friendships, companionship. Everyone does.” I know I called her beautiful, but she’s fucking hot…and it was a bit of turn on when she scolded me. I had to shake those thoughts out of my mind.
“Look Doc. I appreciate your inquisitiveness into myneeds,but I’ll be fine.” She laughed and looked down, resting her head on her hand. I said, “I’ve never really had many friends. Always have been something of a loner. My mental state is obvious since I haven’t left my fucking house. As for my emotions…not much to say there, except I’m just tired.” There was a long pause before she spoke again.
“While I’m happy you don’t find it necessary to have anyone worry about yourneeds,there is an inherent necessity to have a companion.” I just nodded. I was two seconds from telling her that if she was so worried about how I was going get my rocks off, why doesn’t she come over and let me show her. I smirked to myself before wiping it away, hoping she didn’t notice. Cressida is Mexican too, with beautiful long brown curly hair. She’s slender, but I could tell that under the dresses she wore, she has curves in her hips. She always wears dresses, reminding me a bit of a hippy or a witch.
“Our time is about up, Silas. Think about Halloween…and the full moon… because I truly hope the evening goes well for you.” She let out a sigh. I wondered,why the pause and sigh?She went on, “Speak to the adults that come to the door with their kids. It’ll do your soul some good and feel less isolating, just speaking to someone other than me and yourself. You have this entire week of small steps that we’ve previously talked about to help you prepare.” I nodded. “And remember, I’m only a phone call away at any time. I’ve been known to make house calls, if necessary.” She shrugged her shoulders and smiled.
Make house calls.Was she suggesting something?
I said, “Thanks Doc. I appreciate it. Enjoy your week.” I shut my laptop and stared out the small window in front of my desk. There was a horde of geese in my line of sight, having a field day in the pooled water on the grass from the rain that morning.Fucking geese.They’d better scatter, I thought. I didn’t need them chasing down any kids. It was the last thing I needed.The weird man that never leaves his house also has pet geese that chase children.I could hear it and laughed to myself. The geesewouldbe the reason I finally left my house just so they didn’t eat the kids.Malditos gansosFucking geese.
Chapter 2
SILAS
I laid in bed, staring at the cabin log walls and replayed my conversations with Elle and Cressida over and over again in my mind. Elle was a done deal, and it was fine. I guess a part of me felt bad about the conversation with Cressida. She was right. I really could use arelease. Fuck. It hadn’t even been an entire day yet.
Thinking about something else might’ve helped, but I couldn’t. Cressida had me mystified. It was like she knew something about me being a... werewolf. It’s been years, but I still cringe every time I say it. Every time I admit that I’m a monster. I wondered how she knew and if there was something about me or something I said that gave it away. The pendant was a worry stone for me at times. I grabbed it, rubbing it between my thumb and fingers while I thought. Cressida spoke of spirit guides like it was no big deal. I could only imagine explaining something like that to Elle. She just wouldn’t get it, but Cressida was... different.
I sat up and hopped off the bed, to forage my bookshelf. Reading anything and everything related to lycanthropy over the years left me puzzled. Scientific literature considers lycanthropy a psychiatric condition in which an individual hasdelusionsthat they’ve become a werewolf. There isn’t shit to read for people who actually do transform. I wanted to understand more, but still came up empty handed. If I wanted to learn more, I needed to find someone like me, or at least someone who understood what I was going through.
It was three years ago shortly after I met Elle that I fucked up everything in my life. I had always chained myself up. Always. It was around noon. Elle and I had lunch and then fucked around at her apartment in the city, losing track of time. Losing track of time on the full moon wasn’t something I had ever done before. I had always made sure to chain myself up before moonrise. A stomachache set in, and I started sweating. That’s when I realized that I fucked up.
That’s how it starts. A stomachache that quickly turns into sweating and before I know it, it feels like my bones are breaking. I went to Elle’s bathroom and splashed water on my face to think of a reason why I had to leave. I didn’t have long or it would be too late.
“Elle, I have to go. I think I ate something bad at lunch. I’m just gonna go home.”
“I’ll come with you. I’m sorry baby. I don’t want you to be alone though.” She came up to me and hugged me, rubbing my back and neck.
“No! I just mean, I’m a mess when I’m sick. Absolutely miserable to be around and you’ll hate me. It’s ok. I’m gonna go. I’ll call you in a couple days, after this passes.” I winced through a smile, feeling my body trying to rebel against me.
“If you’re sure, baby. I’ll miss you. Be careful. Drink plenty of water.”
She was sweet and always so caring at the time and Ididcare about her then. I told her, “You’re perfect. I’ll talk to you soon.” I kissed her and mad dashed it down her hallway, down the stairs and outside where I could breathe a little better, but that’s when I saw the moon rising over the apartment buildings.
I could feel my teeth shifting already. I pulled out my phone so I could see my eyes in the camera. The irises were already turning yellow. I’d never make it to my basement so I needed to hide. Quick. Trying to get my bearings, I used my heightened sense of smell to direct me to the nearest wooded area. I took off in a sprint, following the scent of maple trees. I was getting closer, but I could feel my fingers thickening and my claws were coming in. Hair started punching through the skin all over my body. I knew I needed to hurry and jump into the bush before anyone saw me.
Finally reaching the wood line, I stopped to listen. My ears swooped back to search for the sound of humans talking nearby. There was on one close. I sprinted toward the center of the forest, trying to put as much distance between myself and a city full of people as possible because I was out of time.
My bones crunched as they broke and began to reform, making my knees buckle and sending me to the ground, writhing in pain. My feet elongated while the ankles raised. My face contorted into a wolf’s, bones pushed my nose outwards into a snout. Blood dripped from my newly formed fangs cutting through the gums. My skin stretched to make room for my large, contracted muscles. The clothes ripped from my body, replaced with a scraggly fur coat. My screams were long and unrecognizable, morphing into a howl. A wild howl of freedom and imprisonment.
An insatiable hunger started to takeover and that’s when I heard laughter. They were too close, and I wasn’t able to stop myself. A couple, walking through the woods. I howled and took off in the direction of their sounds and scents. Beneath their fragranced spritzed clothing, a musky skin, and flesh. Meat.
After slowing my dash to a prowl, a stick snapped under me, catching their attention. They stopped and turned around. I snarled. They screamed.
KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.
I snapped out of the memory of that night. There was someone at my door. No one came here without warning, so it set me on edge. I tiptoed through my house, out of my bedroom on the upper level, down the stairs, and around the corner to the front door.
BANG. BANG. BANG.
