Page 115 of Phobia
She smiled. “Please.” I poured just a little bit. It was a strong wine, and I didn’t know how well she would handle it, so I only poured us a half glass.
We enjoyed small talk while we ate. I asked her about her family. She told me they were spread across the country. She was in Furgón with her sister, but her mother lived in Texas. Beyond that, she didn’t have anyone else she to keep in touch with, except a few aunts here and there. She was practically a loner like me. She said she enjoyed reading and taking walks. It made me wish I could walk with her. I’d give anything to enjoy an evening walk with her around my property.
We finished eating and started to clean up. “This was amazing, Silas. You’re a great cook. I haven’t had carnitas since my mom visited in the summer. This was perfect.”
“Thanks. I’m glad you enjoyed the meal. I like to cook even though I don’t get to do it very often with the lack visitors. I mean, I mostly cook for myself.” I shrugged my shoulders. Cressida understood and nodded with a sad look in her eyes. She tried to wipe it away and smiled.
After I put the last dish in the dishwasher, she stood from the table and walked to the living room. Her arms folded across her chest as she looked at the framed art photos on my wall. “Silas, who took these photos?” she asked.
I cleared my throat before saying, “I did...but that was before...”
She cut me off. “Before you stopped leaving the house.”
“Yes. It was something I loved doing. Black and white photos are my favorite.” She looked at them all against a black matte surround and said, “They’re beautiful.
I walked on the opposite side of the room, mirroring her walk. As she looked at the photos, I looked at her.Shewas beautiful, angelic even. “Cressida, I was hoping we could talk.”
She stopped and turned toward me and held her hand up for me to stop. “Silas...I... I need to tell you something.” She exhaled and said, “I hope you’ll understand where I’m coming from with this before you get angry.”
“Ok...” Long pause. “You’re freakin’ me out a bit here, Doc.” I crossed my arms over my chest.
“A couple nights ago...” She paused and it was making the hairs on my neck stand on end. Her eyes looked worried. “A couple nights ago, I did a suggestion spell on you.”
I could feel my heart rate speed up and my face flush. The room suddenly felt hotter. “What the fuck doesthatmean?”
She cleared her throat and said, “I... I wanted you to know that you could come to me. That I would help you in any way I could. There was a part of you that was closed off at our last session, but I knew you wouldn’t open up to me on your own. So... so, I did a simple spell to let you know that you could come to me. It was innocent. It was just a suggestion spell to encourage you to call me and open up to me.”
Before I could think about what I was doing, I was closing the gap between us and pressing her against the wall, my hand around her throat. Not in a way to hurt her but what I was feeling was a mix of anger and desire. “Do you know what you did to me, bruja?” She let out a breath that sounded like a hushed moan, and she didn’t fight me. I was still riding the line of anger and desire. “Answer me.”
“I didn’t do anything to harm you, Silas. I wouldn’t do that. I’m here. It worked. You called me. Is that so wrong?”
“How am I supposed to trust you?”
“You can.”
“How do I know that what I’m feeling for you isn’t just some spell you have me under?” I hadn’t meant to say that.
“What feeling, Silas?” Then she whispered, “Tell me,Lobo.” My eyes were on her throat. They instantly snapped up to look her in the eyes.
I titled my head as I stared at her. “Whatthe fuck did you say?”
She whispered it again. “Lobo. I’m right, aren’t I?” Her voice was sultry.
“How the fuck do you know that,bruja?”
She brought her hand up to my wrist, her voice staying calm. “Because you’re afraid of the full moon. You wear celestite. You avoid answering my questions. Tell me what happened to you.” She put her hand on my chest, feeling my heart race and my breaths deepen.
My hand relaxed its grip on her throat and slid its way up to her cheek. I caressed it with my thumb. “I wanted to open up to you, but I didn’t know how. I don’t like that you put me under your spell. That night, Elle came here. We were together, only... it wasn’t her. I was withyou, and I was holding your hair...” I brought my other hand to her hair, holding it between my fingers, mimicking that night. I slowly wrapped it around my fist. “Your beautiful deep brown curls were between my fingers. I was...” How was I supposed to explain this. “In my mind, I was fucking you... Cressida, not Elle. You said things to me. I tried to shake them from my thoughts, but something in me went somewhere else. All I could see was you, until suddenly, you were gone, and it was Elle again.” I brought my eyes from her hair back to meet her eyes. “Explain it to me. Tell me what happened. If it was only a suggestion spell, why do I want you so bad?” I let out a heavy breath through my nose from deep in my chest.
Her eyes were wide as she spoke. “Silas. I promise you. It was only a suggestion spell, but something happened to me too, and I can’t explain it. I opened my grimoire to find the spell I wanted. I lit a candle and recited it, but something went wrong. There was another spell, and your name was in my grimoire. I have no idea how it got there. I never wrote your name in it, Silas. I’m your therapist. I wouldn’t do that. Suddenly, it was like I was pushed forward onto my hands and knees. My hair felt like it was being pulled back, tight, and then...” She closed her eyes.
I leaned into her, so close to her jaw she could feel my breaths and looked at her neck again. She was wearing a necklace that I hadn’t noticed before. It too was celestite wrapped in wire. It was identical to mine in every way. I pulled it out of her shirt and held it in my palm. My voice was low and stern. “And then what, bruja? Tell me.”
She let out a breath and I could feel her stomach quiver. “And then I could feel you. I could feel you inside me. So deep. The spell had taken me over and filled me with desire.”
I was angry as I spoke. “You think I need something from you? I don’t. I didn’t fucking ask for your help and now I don’t know what’s true. I don’t need you to fix me, Doc. No one can. I’ve accepted that. And I don’t need you fucking with my head.” I released her and turned my back to her.
Her voice was pleading now. “I didn’t come here by accident, Silas. I’m not sure what happened, but I’m not trying to fix you. I’m trying to help you own your power. It shouldn’t ownyou.”
