Page 121 of Phobia
After a quick shower, I got dressed and made my way to the kitchen. Cressida was already there and had two cups of dandelion tea on the table.
I said, “This is new.” I took a sip. I like it.”
“Good. Dandelion calms the soul.”
She glanced up at me as I kissed her forehead. I caught a glimpse of her smiling, so that settled my stomach a bit.
“Cressida, are you going to tell me about the night now?”
She took a sip of her tea. “It was...something, Silas. It was incredible and full of so many emotions. I don’t know where to start, so I might ramble for a minute. Please bear with me.”
I reached for her hand. “It’s ok. I know it must have been a lot. Go ahead, I’m listening.”
“Your transformation had started. You were in pain, but it looked like you were only semi-conscious for it. After that... the night really began. I heard you scream. Silas, I could hear your bones crunching. It was intense and painful for me to watch what you go through. I continued with the spell work, chanting words of protection. As I said them, I could feel the spirits around me.”
I spoke up, “That’sexactlywhat I feeleverytimewith the spirits. It’s terrible.”
“No, Silas. It wasn’t. It was nothing like you described.” I was confused and I’m sure she could see it in my face. “These spirits were comforting. I don’t know if I could feel something different than you because I am more receptive to that energy, or open to speaking to them, but each movement from them as they passed by me, was nothing but warmth and light.
“I sent my intention into the universe and recited a spell to help the spirits reveal themselves. That’s when they fully manifested. It was a man, a woman, and a girl. You were quiet. I couldn’t hear you howling in pain anymore. You were in wolf form, and the girl petting your head, comforting you. The man looked just like you, Silas.”
There was a long pause. My eyes were hot and teary. I took a breath, got up, and went to a small, locked wooden chest sitting over my mantle. I opened it, took out a picture of my family, it to Cressida, and asked, “Are you telling me...?”
Cressida held the picture in her hand and said, “Yes, Silas. It was your family.” I sat and wiped the tears away quietly. Cressida teared up too. I finally managed to say, “Please, go on. Tell me everything.”
“I asked them who they were and what they wanted. Then I did a spell to allow communication. Your father stepped forward. He looked just like you. The resemblance was unbelievable. He told me he was family, Spanish, he said ‘familia.’ Gabby was so gentle with you and you with her. It brought tears to my eyes. I asked them what they wanted me to tell you.”
Cressida closed her eyes, pulling their words from her mind. Your mother said, they hadn’t left this realm because they were never able to say goodbye. That they were there to protect and comfort you and they will always love you. Gabby said, they wish you peace in your mind, in your heart, and your soul. That you should never be afraid. Then your father saidyou’ve been alone and all they wanted, was for you to know... they’re with you always. They will always be near, however you choose to see them?in the forest, in the air, in a candle, through an animal... they’ll be whatever you need them to be, whenever you need them. And... that... you have me now. Then Gabby said goodbye. She said, ‘Nos vemos, hermano.’See you, brother.” Cressida wiped more tears from her eyes and said, “I recited a spell to help release and protect them from this realm. Then they faded away as they walked up the stairs. They were right, Silas. You do have me now. I hope that brings you some peace, comfort, and... closure.”
I had been trying my hardest not to cry hard but Cressida got up and came to me, wrapping her arms around my neck to hug me. It broke the dam. I cried into her neck after holding it all in for so many years.
Cressida reassured me, “Silas, youhaven’tbeen tormented all these years. They couldn’t move on. They tried to comfort you, but you couldn’t understand them. That’s all it ever was.”
I stepped out of her embrace and just looked at her for a second. Then I said, I looked at her and said, “Thank you, Cressida. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. Thank you for being there for me.”
“I always will. And now you can stop feeling guilty for not giving them a proper burial. They’re fine, Silas, and now they’re free.”
“Yeah, I guess so.See you... That’s what we always said to each other any time one of us left.” An unbearable weight had been lifted. I would always miss my family, but knowing they’re at peace, was what I needed. “Why did time feel weird? I changed so fast. I usually don’t wake up until the sun rises.”
“I’m not sure, honestly. The veil was thin, and the realms converged. Maybe it had something to do with that. We may never know. The universe still has its mysteries.”
I reached for her and pulled her into my arms again. I looked at her and said, “I’ll never be able to repay you.”
Cressida kissed me and said, “Quiet. You don’t need to repay me. The Shaman was right. I was put in your life, Silas. I was put in your life for this reason, for this night...I’m not going anywhere. I’ll always be here if you need me. Just remember something for me.”
“Anything.”
“Gabby said you should never be afraid. That means it’s time to free yourself, too, Silas.” Cressida looked at the front door.
Leaving the house... it had been so long. I couldn’t imagine it, but I felt lighter, and I was willing to try. If it meant getting to spend the rest of my life with this woman, in a normal way, I would try, for her. “I didn’t think this was possible, Cress.”
“What?”
“You. Us. For my soul to be this calm. For my mind to be at peace. For my body to feel like my own, and for someone to be ok with what I am.”
She looked at me and rubbed her hand in the stubble along my jaw. “All of you is all I ever want. We embrace who we are in order to stay true to ourselves.”
I moved on her so fast, I didn’t have time to think. Picking her up, I wrapped her legs around my waist, and her arms around my neck Her hair fell around us as she leaned in and kissed me. It felt like she was kissing my soul, where no one else has ever stepped foot. “You’re a light, Cressida. You’re a light and my mind is a dark and endless chasm but I’ll set the world on fire to protect you.I’m yours.
