Page 150 of Phobia
“Perhaps you were for him. He thought I was a monster too, and that’s why he had to go. That’s why he needed to disappear. I knew that night that he would lock me up just like he locked my mother up.”
There was no remorse in his words, no regrets over what he did, which only filled me with elation. “I know. My mother didn’t lock me up, at least not in a real-life cage. But she locked my mind up, stopping me from remembering, making the last couple of years of my life unbearable. I always felt that those pills she kept sending me were making me less alive, less… me, I guess? But I kept taking them because she was my mother, right?” I laughed sadly. “She was my guardian, the one person who should’ve wanted what was best for me.”
Lazarus pulled me closer to him, our chests pressed against each other. “I don’t think that they ever wanted what was best for us. I think they just wanted us to disappear because it would’ve been easier dealing with us like that, than actually trying to help us navigate this world.”
He was right. It made me angry, what she did to me, but I knew he was right. They wanted to have picture-perfect children, and I was never going to be one of those.
“Do you ever regret it?” I asked, needing to know that I wasn’t alone in all this. I read about regret and what it was supposed to feel like, but it simply never came to me. This past year I tried to rediscover who I truly was, and if the screams I dreamed about would do anything to fill the gaping hole in my chest.
They did.
Oh, they really, really did, but I had no regrets. No sadness over the life that disappeared right in front of my eyes.
“No.” He shook his head. “Not even a little bit. What I do regret, however, is the fact that we need to get back to the party.”
My mood soured because I knew he had to go and deal with Judah and whatever it was that he needed from him.
“You mean, we need to go and check in on Judah?”
“Yes, unfortunately, we do.”
I hated it. I hated the fact that the slimy prick interrupted our precious time, staying in the back of our minds all this time.
“What is it that he has on you?”
“Nothing.” Lazarus laughed as he stood up, taking my hand in his and pulling me up to stand next to him. “He thinks he knows where I buried my father, but he’s wrong.”
“How so?” I asked, tracing my finger over the letter D on his chest. “He seemed so sure.”
“Because there’s no body, baby girl.” He grinned. “I burned that motherfucker to the ground.”
***
There was a couple fucking in the bushes right next to the main entrance of the house, with a dozen other people just standing around, completely ignoring the moans and the loud noises coming from them. Lazarus and I looked at each other and started laughing at the same time, knowing that we did the same just a couple of minutes ago.
I didn’t want to leave the maze and come back to all these people that were still in his house. One look at the clock told me that it was barely eleven o’clock when we stepped inside the same hallway I went through just last year, completely lost and trying to find my place in this world.
I felt like a different person this year—found, fully awake, and ready to finally live my life.
My fingers tightened in Lazarus’s, feeling as if everything was in its place until my eyes landed on two people I truly didn’t want to see.
Gabriel Lacroix stood next to a grim-looking Judah, frowning when he saw my hand in Lazarus’s, his displeasure obvious to anyone looking. The moment he saw me earlier tonight, he told me to leave, to abandon this place and never to return, but Gabriel thought I was just the girl they practically tortured and scared last year.
He thought I was a forgettable girl, just another victim who fell for their stupid shit. But I wasn’t forgettable.
One of my biggest fears when I was a child was that people wouldn’t remember me. That there wouldn’t be anything I’d be famous for. But now I knew that they would forever remember. They would know my name after my plans for tonight came to fruition. After I show them all who Danika Ascelin truly was.
Lazarus led us toward the two, and I wanted to be anywhere but here, under their scrutinizing stares. The promise of violence shone in Judah’s eyes, while the disappointment showed in Gabriel’s. I had no idea which one I hated more—Gabriel as a martyr or Judah as a self-proclaimed god.
“Who do we have here?” Judah asked first when we came closer to them, their drinks tightly held in their hands, and their unwavering stares directed at us. “A cat and a mouse,” he taunted us, but he had no idea that I could bite back too.
“More like two wolves, little Judah.” I snickered. “I think you’ve mistaken us for you and your sister.”
Lazarus told me about the weird relationship Judah had with his sister as we walked from the maze toward the house, and judging by the sneer on Judah’s face, I wasn’t supposed to know. Judging by the shocked look on Gabriel’s face, I was teetering on the edge, breaking all the rules.
“You told her?” Judah asked Lazarus who still held my hand in his, standing close to me. “We had a—”
“We had nothing, Judah,” Lazarus answered lazily. “You told me you needed me, I’m here. What do you need?”
