Page 156 of Phobia
Until my heart nearly broke when Lazarus screamed for me to run, to take Casimir and get away while he held the men Judah had sent away from us.
“I don’t know how to say goodbye, either,” I uttered, looking down at the biggest love of my life. His happy smile was enough to brighten every single day, and living without it for as long as it was necessary wasn’t something I ever anticipated having to do.
I never even wanted kids. Never had I ever thought about having a family, but one look at Casimir after they brought him to me in that dimly lit hospital room, and I was in love. The entire time during the pregnancy, the only thing I felt was fear and uncertainty. But when he looked up at me, when he cooed for the first time, I knew I would give my life in order to save his.
And if giving him to someone who had more money and better connections in this very moment meant saving him, then I knew we had to do it.
“Laz.” I looked at the love of my life, still unable to believe that this man with a kind heart and even kinder words was someone I had with me. “This is not forever,” I said. “But keeping him with us won’t give him everything he deserved. We’re getting ready to take Judah down, and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something happened to Casimir because we were too selfish to let him go.”
“I just…” he stammered. “I just want him to be happy, to be loved. How do we know that all that would happen?” There was defiance in his eyes, but I knew that these were the last attempts to change both of our minds.
Lazarus knew as much as I did that our next plan meant he would have to disappear, and I would have to, well, infiltrate the one place I never wanted to set foot in. But I had to, no matter what.
“He’s going to be happy,” I pushed out even though it pained me to say that. “He’s going to be the happiest kid ever known to mankind. He’s going to be everything the two of us never had a chance to be. I want him to have a boring, happy childhood, Lazarus, without having to change schools every few months, and having to meet new people over and over again. I want him to be a normal kid.”
One eyebrow arched up, and with just that one look from him, I knew what he meant to say. Casimir was our child, which also meant that we would still need to keep an eye on him. We were happy with who we were, but we both knew that society looked down on people like us.
People who disregarded the carefully curated rules they wanted to bestow upon us, and I had a feeling that Casimir would be an extraordinary child, if given an opportunity.
“Come on.” I pushed myself up, rubbing my face dry with the palm of my hand, trying to numb myself from all the emotions. “We need to get going.”
“Dan—”
“Lazarus.” I looked at him. “You know we need to do this. I don’t wanna do it anymore than you do, but we have to. We promised we will always do what’s best for him, and this is us doing it. This is us removing him from this crazy life and making sure that he has a chance. A chance neither of us had.”
“I know,” he admitted, defeated. “I just hate that I won’t see him grow up.”
It was as if the weight of the entire world laid on his shoulders, and the way he hovered over our son told me that this hurt him more than he let on at first.
“Babe,” I whispered, getting off the bed and going to him. “This is only temporary. We will get our boy back. We will get our life back. But now it’s time to admit that we need help. It’s time to use all those connections we’ve created.”
A small nod was all I got from him before he turned around, wrapping his arms around my middle and burying his face into my chest. A dark cloud hovered above us, feeding off our pain, but we would survive this. We were stronger than this, and at the end of the day, we were doing the best possible thing for our kid.
At least I needed to believe in that, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to get through the next couple of hours.
My hands landed on Lazarus’s back, rubbing circles, and hoping it would soothe him, well, both of us, to go through all this.
“We will be okay,” I murmured, looking down at Casimir who kept playing with air. “We will survive this.”
We had to. There were no other options.
***
I never thought I would see the day when there would be another person more important to me than Danika. But it happened.
A year ago it happened.
The moment Casimir was born, I knew I would destroy Heaven and Hell to ensure his safety, but I never thought I would have to do it by handing him over to a man I didn’t like. As a matter of fact, if it was up to me, Gabriel Lacroix would’ve been dead a long time ago, but Danika stopped me.
I guess she had a point when she said that Gabriel could be an ally instead of an enemy. I had to admit that the man standing in front of me right now was not the same person who stood in front of me seven years ago, following every single order Judah issued.
The shadows in his eyes told me as much, and whatever it was that he had witnessed, or even did, made him jaded. Even a blind man could see that something terrible must have happened for him to change like this. The old Gabriel was ready to right the wrongs and to defend even those who called themselves villains. But this Gabriel… This Gabriel didn’t even bother defending the people of Winworth.
This Gabriel had no life in him anymore, and even the way he looked at Danika now didn’t scream want or need. It screamed desperation, but not the kind that wanted her in his bed.
This was a man who needed a friend. This was a man who needed someone in his corner.
Casimir squirmed in my arms while Danika enveloped her arms around Gabriel. While I expected him to look at me and smirk, I didn’t expect to see the moment of weakness when she squeezed him as tight as she could. There were demons he wasn’t ready to talk about, but when he hugged her back, I saw the weight of a thousand lives pressing down on him. I almost felt bad for being an ass toward him all those years ago.
