Page 229 of Phobia
My sister likes her privacy, and I don’t want to be nosy. Am I worried about her?Of course.What started as a casual habit, I think has turned into a terrible addiction. Then she goes on these benders, disappearing for days, and I just don’t get it.
I’m not going to come down on her, judge her, or make her feel bad. I just want to know that she’sokay… Just a call, or a text.That’s all I’m asking for here.
My laughter has faded because now I’m sad again. And worried and stressed, and so fuckingtired. I know my body’s going to shut down soon, and I’m petrified of what’ll happen if it does.
Last night, after I saw Jules in the window jerking off—something I’m only fifty percent sure actually happened—my balls were throbbing so hard I couldn’t move. I was justlyingthere in bed, aching with the need to come, watching the blades of the fan in my room. Holding my eyelids open with my fingers.
The more I listened to the whirring, the more it started to sound like words…
Like it was speaking to me. Singing me a song, about the pretty boy next door.
Jules Jules Jules…
I’ve never denied myself an orgasm for so long, and with him over there, right through that damn window, it’s almost unbearable. At this point, I think I could shoot a load in my pants justlookingat him.
He’s just so…fucking hot.I can’t believe I’m so attracted to a guy. I know I’d been considering it before. Casually leaning into the idea of maybe being bisexual. But then Jules showed up, and ever since, I’ve been floating away on a gay cloud.
Seriously,everythingabout him is illuminating. His amber eyes and his perfect mouth, with that lip ring I just want to bite. His body, allmuscleeverywhere. A total jock body, which makes sense now that I know he was a football player. His hands… So verymasculine. I justknowbeing touched by him would send me skyrocketing, because I’ve never been touched by a man. I’ve never had a man’s hands rushing all over me… It’s arousing as fuck to think about.
I’m wandering around in a constant state of erection. I have to keep flipping my dick up into the waistband of my pants so it’s not visible.
God, watching him last night…
There’s no way it was real. He didn’t really see me. I was just watching him again, like a perv. I’m sure of it. Because I couldhearhim, like he was whispering in my ear…
“Asa… I want to feel you. You can relax with me… Let me ease your mind and your body, baby. You don’t need to be afraid anymore…”
Scrubbing my hands hard over my face, I fist my hair and yank it until it stings.
No… I can’t. I can’t let go… I can’t fall.
It’s too dangerous.
I amafraid, that’s what he doesn’t understand.No oneunderstands.
I’m fucking terrified.
This is all my fault.
Stomping around the trailer in a weakened, jittering haze, I turn the air conditioning up to full blast because it’s too damn hot. My mind is racing with all these disjointed thoughts, worry and unease sending me into a spiral.
Lena’s never vanished for this long before. Something isn’t right, and it’s my fault.
I fell asleep and she disappeared.
What if she’s hurt? What if she needs my help??
That’s what no one gets… I can’t just lie down and fuckingsleep, while my sister is out there, struggling. I need to find her, and finally listen to what she hasn’t been telling me.
I know she’ll hate it, but it’ll be for her own good. She needs real help, but she doesn’t have to do it alone. I’m here for her… I’llalwaysbe here for her.
I’ll never close my fucking eyes again.
“Lena… what happened?” I try to blink through the grogginess.
“It’s okay, baby brother. Don’t worry. I’ll always take care of you, you know that.”
My bottom lip trembles with fear. “Where are we g-going…?”
