Page 264 of Phobia
“Should I, um… go?” He mumbles, clearly nervous.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Mom says. “Come over here. I need to officially meet my son’s boyfriend.”
Asa looks overwhelmed, but a smile creeps in as he pads over. Mom grabs his arm and pulls him down next to her on the couch. I can’t help but laugh.
“Asa, I’m sorry again about everything you’re going through,” she says, and he looks down, nodding. “But I’m so happy that you’re in my son’s life. I’m sure you know he’s a wonderful man, and I just know he’ll help you through this.”
Asa peeks at me, smiling gratefully. “He already has.”
“Good.” Mom pats his arm. “And you stay here as long as you like, alright? I don’t like the idea of you all alone over there.”
Asa and I both gape at my mother, shocked.
“Really??” I gasp.
“I couldn’t impose…” Asa fiddles with his fingers.
Mom grabs his wrist. “Nonsense. You’re part of the family now.”
Asa’s face lights up. I’ve never seen anything like it. He looks mesmerized, illuminated.
Happy.
He peeks at me, and I bite my lip.
“Family…?” He grins.
I chuckle, standing up to brush his hair with my fingers, dropping a kiss in the blue. “Welcome home, Ace.”
Epilogue
Watching Jules is my favorite thing.
Whether he knows it’s happening or not doesn’t matter. Hehypnotizesme, and he has since the moment I saw him.
I love watching him speak. Like when he’s reciting his lines, practicing his acting. The way his face looks, so driven by passion for what he’s saying. His voice is captivating, his movements graceful, with purpose. Turns out, he can even sing, and dance.
The other day, he did a scene from Hamilton for me. It was incredible.And I’m not just saying that because I’m in love with him.He’s really fucking talented. I think he could go places someday.
It sucks that he’s stuck here in this one horse town, but I get it. It’s fine for now…
One day, we’ll go to New Orleans.
I also love watching him sleep. To be honest, it’s almost as satisfying as sleeping myself.
Last night, our feverish makeout session turned, as it does, to writhing our bodies together for many generous minutes of panting. And we wound up naked, and sucking, which happens so much, I’m afraid I might get lockjaw.
His dick in my mouth, my dick in his mouth. And of course, one of my new favorites…Sixty-nine. It turns us into desperate, needy animals. Fucking my cock between Jules’s lips while he sucks on me almost viciously… It’s an indescribable pleasure. We both came at the same time, swallowing each other down until there was nothing left but bliss. Then Jules almost immediately fell asleep, naked and wrapped around me like a vine.
And as happy as I was, I couldn’t help feeling some anger, and remorse.
Because sleepingwithhim would feel so good, I know it would. Itdoes, when I allow it to happen, which is more and more often, since I moved into Jules’s house with him and his mom. Sometimes, especially after he makes me come, either by sucking me or fucking me—that scorching euphoria I never knew I could experience with a cock driving into my prostate—my body is so warm and fuzzy, the exhaustion takes over and I forget about my fear enough to pass out.
Iloveit. It feels marvelous. But I’m still afraid…
I wish I could conquer it for myself, and for him. I want to be able to cuddle up with him, hold him while he holds me. Just breathe together without freaking the fuck out and panicking like a chicken shit psycho.
It’s the whole reason I never had a girlfriend for more than a minute. It’s why I never had friends, nor did I go anywhere. This goddamn fucking phobia has been holding me back for years, keeping me isolated and alone. And still, I was always able to convince myself it was fine.
