Page 299 of Phobia
I’d breathe easier without Max’s eyes burning holes into me, but being mad with him is a welcome break from feeling scared that my body may betray me.
We have a deal—me and my body. I relent and occasionally give it the release it needs on the agreement that the pills I pump into it do their job. The contraceptive pill is 99%, and condoms are 98% effective. On their own, there’s room for doubt, but together, I’m covered. Not that I’ll believe that until my period starts.
We used a condom. It didn’t break.I cling to my mantra for dear life and wipe my palms on my skirt. I’m wearing too many clothes—that’s all. I’m too hot.
Who am I kidding?
We all take our place at the table, and I gulp my wine to keep the shakes away as Aunt Sal reaches for the carving knife. The aroma of roasted bird fills the room, and her brown eyes brighten.
When Aunt Sal was five, a goose bit and broke her little finger. It never fully straightened and left her with mild arthritis, so getting to roast a goose nearly every weekend goes some way to healing the wound.
Plates full, the conversation turns to my aunt and uncle's pending cruise, which Kelly will also be joining when they reach Spain. “Are you sure you can’t come?” Aunt Sal asks me for what must be the one-hundredth time.
“Nope,” I smile. “My week in Milan is a done deal.”
“But you’ll be alone,” she urges.
Aren’t I always?“And no offence, but that’s how I like my holidays.”
They go in one week, and Kelly will join them in two—the same time I fly out to Milan. I used to holiday with them, but after the first time I travelled solo, I never looked back. I get to do as much or as little as I want. No judgement, no concern, one week of complete anonymity and no one to catch me out on my lies.
“And what about your job?” Uncle Jude asks, his tone ensuring I know exactly what he thinks of the family-run marketing company I’ve spent the last four years being unappreciated by.
Rolling my eyes, I reply, “As you know, they’re holding the interviews for the promotion the week before I go away and will announce their decision the week I’m back.”
“And if they pass you over for a family memberagain?”
“Then I promise I’ll look for a new job.”
***
That went well.
Leaving my boss’s office, I head home with a spring in my step. After spending four days in turmoil and four sleepless nights in my self-created hell, my period arrived, and I regained control over my life.
It would’ve been nicer if my boss hadn’t made me wait until my last day at work to interview me, mind you. Now, I need to get home and pack, ready for my flight tomorrow morning.
I had drinks with Kelly last night ahead of her flight today, and other than things still not being great with Ant and having to avoid Max as much as possible, all is well in my world.
***
Packed and ready, I double-check that my passport’s in my bag and pour myself a glass of Chianti—the Italian theme starting now. Slumping onto my sofa, I’m about to switch the TV on when my phone chimes—it’s Ant. Maybe he wants to sort things out before I go away—we’re practically siblings, after all.
Join me at Opium tonight. I owe you. x
Nice of him to finally realise it. However, Opium’s a club in Angel and that means getting dressed up and dragging my arse over there. None of which sounds all that appealing right now.
You do owe me, but it’ll have to wait. My flight’s at 9:30 am. x
It pings almost immediately.
Please, Naomi. I feel shit about this. Let me remind you why you’re always here for me.
Ant knows how to play me, but it’s still way too much effort.Come to mine. I have wine! x
I’ll send Max over unless you come.
Low. Blow.Not how you earn my forgiveness.
