Page 342 of Phobia
I take a deep breath as I move closer to the wall overlooking a small clearing in the forest.
“It's where my angels lie.” His rumbling voice startles me, yet I don’t move away. I wait patiently for him to close the distance between us.
Dee circles his strong arms around me and rests his chin on top of my head.His scent lulls my senses – earth, coffee, something spicy, and sugar.Always sweet for me.
“Were there many?” I ask him out of morbid curiosity. Not because I want to know anything personal about them. Not because I want them avenged in any way.
Did we look alike?
Were they the same age as me?
Did they suffer?
Did Dee love them as he loves me?
A greedy, jealous spark in my soul wants to know how long had he been looking for me. I need to know that he searched tirelessly, high and low, just for me. That he committed crime after crime in the hopes of meeting me one day. That I am his one and only. That none of them measured.That none came close to becoming trulyhis.
I'm being childish and cruel. I should be scared to pledge my heart to a man like him. I should be ashamed of myself for craving his sick validation. I should be repulsed by my selfish thoughts and carelessness.
But the truth is if those angels came to him the way I did... I shake my head.
Bullshit.
Why am I even attempting to justify any of this madness?
Why does it matter what the truth really is?
I muss to myself as my eyes glide over the exquisite crypt, not far off the property.
It is surrounded by artfully arranged gravel paths, native plants, and wild roses, which bend to his vision by intricately positioned arches. The landscape looks wild, but as my eyes adjust, I see it all planned out by Dee’s design. There are statues of angels, of course, partially covered by wild poison ivy. A life-sized statue of the Virgin Mary is right in the middle of a small hexagonal clearing at the front of the crypt.
The morning sun reflects off the water in the basin in her arms. She is a vision of serenity bathed in sunlight.
A crow lands roughly in the middle, splashing water everywhere. His abrupt appearance makes us both chuckle and I sadly note to myself, that beneath the vision of tranquility, Dee has created to honor his angels, something truly sinister lies. The crow disturbing the peace, as the woods are closing in on the eternal home of fallen celestials.
I snuggle myself further into his arms and I feel him sigh and purr with his whole body – pure pleasure at the closeness I seek. I tilt my face up for a kiss.
The monster and his lover looking down on their domain. His angels to be mine - to truly love him, his sins I must accept and claim them as my own.
I kiss him harder. I pledge my soul to him.
Wrong or right are words that mean little in this home. This shouldn't give me peace, but life has made little sense to me thus far. I accept us for what we are and resolve to question what we share no longer.
He pulls away, giving me a thoughtful gentle look.
“What troubles you, my love?”he murmurs as he takes my scent in, nosing in around the hair on my temples.
“I want to see them. I want to see the angels,” I whisper quietly.
He stops his ministrations abruptly and looks at me startled, searching my eyes. I suppose he’s looking for signs of regret or distress. I let him take me in.
I want this. I am not afraid.
He nods finally and I beam at him. My lover trusts me and that is all I need.
Dee smiles and dips lower for a kiss.
***
