Page 344 of Phobia
And I – I am his angel. I’m finally here – reaching him at the end of my suffering, descending from the darkness, to lay my hands on him. In my arms, he shall find peace at last.
***
The entrance is hidden, a secret door like so many my lover has built with his bare hands. Delorean is a master at creating traps. If he were to leave me here, I’d surely perish.
This space is somber. It reminds me of those catacombs beneath churches I’ve read about. It’s beautiful, illuminated only by the candles Delorean is lightning as I take everything in.
Six tall, polished sandstones, five taken. Heavy marvel coffins rest on them. An angel carved a top of each. They are beautiful.
My guitar is by the last empty stone. There is a small brass plate on a plain wooden chest that contains my pathetic inventory of belongings. It is at the foot of the table, but my name hasn't been carved on it just yet.
I run my fingers over the cold slab of concrete and can see myself lying on it. Dee would have prepared my body with care and mourned me, before releasing me to join the angels.
Suddenly I remember where my things last were. “How did you...? John...?”
“I looked up his company and found the last known business address associated with it. I found your things in the dumpsters near his garden nursery.”
“Did you hurt him?” I can't turn to face him. I'm afraid of the answer, but I still want to hear the words.
“No,” he grits out.
I turn to him and run back into his arms. I sob out in anger. My heart tightens when he doesn’t hold me back immediately, but before I can focus on the dreadful feeling of rejection curling in my belly, he asks through his teeth, “Are you crying for that animal? Do you miss him?”
I look up at his face, framing it between my trembling hands. He tries to look away, his nostrils flaring in anger and frustration, his jaw clenched tight, but I hold him with everything I've got. “Never. I hate him. I wish you'd hurt him. I wish I'd been brave enough to do it myself. I'm crying because I know he’s still out there, hurting someone like me. Someone who is so desperate that they would look at him and consider his cruelty salvation.”
Delorean grabs me in turn and crashes our lips together in a fierce kiss, stealing my breath away. He picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist.
My robe falls open and my entire body is engulfed in Delorean’s warmth. The soft fabric of his thick cashmere sweater rubs my torso. His body heat washes over me. He never breaks our kiss, but I can feel him move, and the scents in the air change. He’s taking us back up. He’s taking me home.
Our home.
He is kissing me with so much passion my belly warms and my skin heats. I grind myself on his fully clothed body like the needy boy that I am. I want to feel good, and today I feel like I can ask my lover for anything.
Delorean takes us back upstairs. He doesn’t stop kissing me even for a moment. I only pull away to catch my breath when he sits down on the couch in his pristine white living room. The flames crackle in the fireplace, as the quiet forest surrounds our home of glass, engulfing it in timeless silence.
“What do you need, little bird?” Dee asks me gently while kissing my neck, leaving me hot all over.
“I want to play,” I whisper as I feel my face heating with embarrassment.
“We can play,” Delorean purrs close to my ear, then takes my earlobe gently between his teeth. My eyes roll, my lids flutter, and I bite my lower lip, swiveling my hips over his lap.
“I…I…” I’m breathless and so aroused. Delorean pulls the belt of my robe and it parts gently over my chest, slipping down my shoulder, baring all of me for him.
“What is it, my love?” His breath caresses me.
“I want to playwithyou,” I mutter.
He stills but I feel his smile against my heated skin.
“Like a plaything? You want me to just sit here and let you…explore?” There is no accusation, no reservation. He is clarifying. I nod mutely.
All of me belongs to you.
“May I touch you?”
“No,” I breathe out quietly. I don’t know what I need until I’ve begun asking for it. But now that the words are out, a certain vision of us is taking shape in my imagination. I need Delorean to immerse himself into the fantasy with me.
“May I speak?” he asks teasingly.
