Page 348 of Phobia
Anthony has been malnourished it seems for many long years before he finally stumbled into my orbit.
I’m not kidding myself that he would magically make a full recovery. Nor do I strive for it.
I want him dependent and happily imprisoned in this beautiful cage, I've spent years perfecting in anticipation of his arrival.
I want to care for him, nurture him back to health and help his body recover from all the neglect. Beyond ensuring Anthony recuperates in peace, I'm not interested in ever allowing him the freedom to experience the world.
I’ve waited for him all my life.
Anthony is mine.
I, alone, am his world now.
I have no hangups on being selfish and keeping him close enough to suffocate him.
But I must focus on the matter at hand – Anthony’s food intake is not nearly enough to sustain a grown man. I may call him alittle bird, and the size difference between us may be monumental, but he is still a five-foot-eight adult who needs proper nourishment.
He’s on to me it seems, as his kiss becomes more feverish.
As much as I’m willing to be manipulated into sex as a diversion from serious conversations, we really must address this issue.
“Darling,” I mutter sweetly as I hold the nape of his neck firmly, depriving him of freedom of movement. “Set the table. It’s dinner time.”
He swallows thickly. Although his muscles twitch beneath my fingers, he schools himself perfectly and doesn’t struggle.
“I’m not hungry,” he mutters, his lower lip trembling.
I take a deep breath, then kiss him softly while I tighten my hold on his neck.
“Are you not mine?” I hiss against his lips.
“What? Delorean, please, I ––”
“I said,” I growl against his lips, my fingers digging into his frail flesh, “Are you not mine?”
“Yours, always. Delorean, please – ” Anthony sobs out, hot tears wetting my lips. His whole body is quivering in my arms.
“Do you not see, what you’re doing to yourself? Do you not realize, you’re destroying what’s mine? How am I to live if you don’t care if you perish or endure? How am I to go on without you?” I’m harsh. I’m selfish. I’m cruel.
Anthony needs to heal under the thoughtful supervision of a medical professional. He needs years of rehabilitation and therapy. But I can’t part myself with him. Moreover, I will not stand for it – Anthony trusting another person enough to bare his soul to them. Trusting someone more than he trusts me.
I won’t allow it. Ever.
“Delorean, I never…” He’s crying in my arms, inconsolable. His breathing is out of control, and his nails are possessively digging into the skin of my arms.
I give us both a moment.
If I take this too far, I might snap the fragile thread that binds us. I want to be his everything, but I never want to turn into one of the monsters that have been plaguing his life.
My hands are soft for him once more as I caress his shivering form. “I love you, little bird. I don’t want to lose you. Please stay with me.”
Anthony tightens his hold on me and I can feel his head nodding, but I need his words too.
“Promise me that you’ll try, angel. Promise me, my love.”
He pulls away trembling, not bothering to wipe away his tears as he cups my face in his hands and barely whispers, “Iamtrying. I promise.”
***
