Page 140 of Shadowman
“Trevel, that’s enough,” Dr. Love grunts, with as much bite as you can expect from him, which isn’t much. But still, it’sthere,and it’s quite satisfying. “We’re not here to talk about me. We’re here—”
“Because Manuel Blanco ordered it?” I cut him off, smirking. “And he calls the shots, correct?He’sthe one in charge here, not you. I mean, you get to wield control over Felix Darcey, but that’s not much of a feat, is it? He’s basically a pet—”
“You’re lashing out because you’re still angry.” He cocks his head to the other side. “It hurt quite a bit that I abandoned you… Didn’t it?”
“Oh, Doctor… Trust me,” I growl. “No onecan hurt me better than I can. You know that.”
“Yes, I’m aware of your habits, your coping mechanisms, and your triggers,” he deadpans. “I know everything about you, which is why I know that this hostility you’re holding on to toward me has little to do with you being here, and everything to do with you feeling deserted.”
An unamused scoff bursts from my lips. “Wow.Your God complex has risen in spades, hasn’t it? Is thatalsothanks to The Carver?”
At the second mention of his serial killer boyfriend, Dr. Love’s eyes take on a gleam of rage. It’s a thread I’m all too prepared to grab onto andpull.
Naturally, he disguises it very well. “You know I can’t discuss other patients with you, Trevel.”
“Alright, then. Let’s talk about why I’m here,” I counter. “Alice… I didn’t kill her.”
“I know. They ruled her death an accidental overdose.”
“Except that it wasn’t,” I hiss. “Her brother and his wanker of a friend killed her in an attempt to frame me.”
He blinks at me. “So you killed them.”
“That’s how I roll.” I fold my arms over my chest.
Dr. Love tosses the notepad onto the table, leaning in to give the impression that his attention is on me. I hate that shit, because of how much it used to fill my stomach with flutters.
“Why don’t you tell me why the moment I left, you decided to stop taking your medication and undo all of the progress we’d made?” He arches a patronizing brow.
“It’s really quite simple,” I hiss, keeping our eyes locked. “I wanted to make it painfully apparent that you’d failed.”
His jaw tics again. “And why is it so important to you that I fail, Trevel?” The wrath is rising again, stiffening my muscles. My lips part, but he jumps in before I can reply. “Because I left you. Isn’t that right?”
“Youfreedme,” I correct him, sitting forward, putting our faces in line. He doesn’t budge. “The attempts were futile, and you knew that.That’swhy you left without a second thought… Because you didn’t want to face what we both knew what inevitable. There is no cure for evil, is there, Dr. Love? If there were, you’d have given it to him by now…”
Squinting at me, he rumbles, “Evilis not a diagnosis. It’s a word used to scare people into acting right. I’m not interested in morality, or philosophical ideations.”
“Says the man whose patients are running around taking lives like tickets at a deli.” I roll my eyes.
“You can blame me all you want, but you chose to make those things happen, Trevel,” he counters. “You’re both desperate for a reprieve from the noise in your head and terrified of losing it.”
My fingers curl into a fist that tightens and releases. Heart racing, the utter irritation of howrighthe always is weighting me in place on the couch.
We’re both silent for a moment, glaring. It amazes me how much can flow between two people without speaking a word.
Like with Byron yesterday in the shower…
Sucking in a breath, I hold it for a moment before murmuring, “I have missed our sessions, Doctor. Hopefully, we can pick up where we’d left off in Atlanta, only now with a clearer understanding of what it is we’re both looking for.”
He sits back in his seat, assessing me once more. “And what are we both looking for?”
To win.“Peace.” I shrug, spouting nonsense in an attempt to brush him off because I’m already over this. “And acceptance.”
He’s admitted that he abandoned me, and that he feels no remorse.
But he will.
“That’s good to hear, Trevel,” he says. “I’ve only ever wanted what was best for you.”
