Page 146 of Shadowman
“Yes, he is.” He licked my Adam’s apple.
“I don’t wanna… hurt him,” I gulped when his left hand crept in to play with my balls.
“You’re such a good friend,” he purred.
The next thing I knew, we were kissing. I’ll admit, this part is a bit foggy. The memories are like a strobe light, flashes illuminating what happened in the dark. I remember the sensations, the intoxication of being with a guy again, in secret… The thing I’dthoughtwas bad, but feltsofucking good.
In minutes, Ren was on his knees, with my dick in his throat and his dark hair in my fist. I can still hear the panting and groaning and slippery wet suction, but I can’t be certain it was all from that time. Because it happenedmanymore times after that.
Not every day, not even every week. But frequently enough for me to warm up to it. For me to look forward to it… Torelyon it. As fucked up as I knew it was, I’d begun to crave it—the insatiable hunger for a new sexy spoiled brat with dark hair and topaz eyes, who wanted to be roughed up. Opening himself for me to fill, because heneededit.
Because, as we know, so did I.
Despite him being an obsessive, psychotic, murderous pyro, Ren had qualities that weren’t all bad, and those were the reasons why being around him hurt sometimes. Because thegoodin him reminded me of Michelangelo, and I was still so desperate to have it; the life I’d been right on the cusp of before Governor Russo cut the string I was holding, and it flew away.
I fucked Ren consistently, but it was always on his terms.Hecame tome, because he wasn’t Michelangelo, and he wasn’t mine. That was the only way I could justify it.
Luthor knew, and it wasn’t my fault.Ihad an excuse, and that excuse was that Ren was using me. If they knew I was using him too, that might have changed things.
The problem was that Ren was much better at it than I was. He was a pro when it came to casual sex. It was hisjob, after all. Acting…Lying. He’s a superior liar, which in turn, made him a superior actor—again, similar to Michelangelo, yet wildly different. And as our salacious rendezvous continued, my body got… confused. Thus confusing my mind a little, too.
He would say things when we were fucking that really started to encourage my own proxy…
“God, you feel so good. Your dick is the only one I want, you know that, right? Fuck my little hole, baby. It’s yours. All fucking yours. You own me… Fuck, own me harder. Harder harder harder, right there right there, yes yes yes, I belong to you. This cum is yours… I’m coming for… only… you.”
I feel stupid. For falling so easily under such an obvious spell. But what can I say? He really is that good.
Once, Ren ended up in the East Wing for weeks. I was relieved, honestly, because I needed some space. It would be a good thing… Some distance to get my bearings and reacquaint myself with reality. But like any addict, it was easier said than done.
I was jonesing, while trying desperately to stuff it all down and go about my prison life, forgetting the deliciously feral sex with the hot, beautifully deceptive dark-haired creature of temptation.
But then he came back. And my excitement, while hidden from my friends, felt…excessive.
We were in the showers when Velle came clomping into the room, hustling along an exhausted and jittery Warren Xavier. I remember how my heart jumped. It leapt right up into my esophagus, and like a reflex, I glanced right. At Luthor. Maybe to see if he was having a similar hopelessly overjoyed reaction, or to make sure he hadn’t noticed thatIwas having one.
Of course, he was. He always gets this flash of relief and yearning when Ren shows up, but he makes sure to disguise it fast. Especially back then, when he was still in pain from the heartbreak Ren had caused him and using anger to disguise it.
My emotions made me feel like such a scumbag, I couldn’t look at either of them. I focused on my showering, eyes stuck on the crack in the floor by the drain while I struggled to ignore the sounds of Ren’s chains being removed.
“Ren… are you alright?” Luthor’s voice came from my side, and I cringed.
“No…” Ren mumbled, his tone slipping into my ear and wrapping around my brain. “I’m not okay. I’ve never been okay… Never, not once.”
At those oddly honest words, spoken in such an even, if lethargic tone, I couldn’t help myself. I peeked at him.
He looked distraught, mentally and physically torn to shreds, most likely from whatever they’d been doing to him in the East. But still, something about him was off, more than the physical. It was as if his usual confidence was gone. The bravado he uses to bury his insecurities wasn’t there. I could tell just from looking at him, and hearing him, that something was wrong.
For the first time since I’d met him, he was vulnerable, his truth exposed, and it wasn’t pretty.
“Jesus… what did they do to you down there?” Luthor’s eyes glistened, the affection he gave his friends turned up extra high for Ren.
“Lex…” Ren gasped, reaching for Luthor’s face. “I love you. You know that, right?? I need you to know,now, while I’m still telling the truth…”
“What?” Luthor dipped away from his touch. “What the hell, Ren?? What are you doing…”
“I’m sorry, baby,” Ren whimpered, reaching again. “I’m so sorry for what I did to you…”
“Ren, stop,” Luthor barked quietly, face flushed, though his green eyes were hardened in frustration of the overwhelming emotions he clearly didn’t want to give Ren the satisfaction of feeling.
