Page 162 of Shadowman
Anyway, I was thoroughly entertained by Stitch’s words of rhyming wisdom. And it didn’t take much thought to figure out the premise…
Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Stop and think about what you’re about to do, lest your actions become your ultimate undoing.
Over the years, this advice has popped into my head many times. I’m a reckless person, always have been. It’s rather difficult for me to seeconsequenceas a reason not to do something, and I’m quite stubborn. Once my heart is set, it’s virtually impossible to talk myself out of it, no matter how glaringly obvious the inevitable downfall.
So you see, whether or not I check myself… I still manage to wreck myself.
Right now is one of those moments.
Without a doubt, I should slow down and think about what I’m getting myself into before I wind up destroying myself, or more than likelysomeone else.But I just love the feeling of diving in headfirst, far too much to worry that there are jagged rocks beneath the surface.
Last night with Byron was single-handedly the best experience of my entire life, and that’s not an exaggeration.Good stuff has been in short supply in my life…
There are no words to adequately describe what occurred. Here I’d thought I was dreaming; having one of those vivid unconscious dalliances I experience often, wherein my terrible memories merge with my deepest desires, and I wake up sweaty and sticky and flustered. But as it would happen, I wasactuallybeing fucked by my hot newly-out bisexual friend I’ve been obsessing over since my arrival in the Pen.
Byron Kang fucked me in my sleep and was apparently so hungry for more that he immediately climbed onto my cock and humped the living daylights out of me.That’s right. I got to be the first person he’s ever come out to, and I took his bottom virginity! In the same night!
Checkmyself? Afterthat??
No, sir. I’ll be accepting every single bit of this wreckage, thank you very much.
I expected Byron to pull his usual denial act—that whole,“I’m not gay, it just feels good”rigamarole.But on the contrary! He’s good. A bit quiet, sure, but that’s his default setting. Much less hostile and skittish than after the mattress-hole blowjob. In fact, the only thing he seemed worried about was penetrating me while I was unconscious.
Naturally, I shut it down posthaste.
“Byron, there aren’t many things you could do to me with your dick that would upset me,” I told him while we drifted last night. “If anything, I’m mad I didn’t get to fully experience getting that dick for the first time. Being that I was asleep and all.”
He grinned with his eyes closed, face nestling into the crook of my neck. My heart felt like a hot-air balloon.
“Well, then… I guess we’ll just have to do it again when you’re awake, won’t we?” He said with sleepy movements and kisses on my pulse.
I was prepared to drag my reluctant self back up to my own bed. But then he whispered, “You can stay… if you want.”
I know. I’m fucking doomed.
Usually,Leoreminds me tocheck myself before I wreck myself. He’s the voice of reason in situations like these, where I find myself ready to throw all caution to the wind in a way that could potentially ruin lives. Then again, he also disappears during my most trying times, further proof that he’s a manifestation of my innerresponsiblevoice.
I’m an impulsive, self-destructive lunatic when he’s not around, which is why I don’t stand a chance of playing it safe here. When it comes to Byron, I have zero bloody chill.
No clue where it’s gone, but it must be far away.
I like Byron too much, and it’s beginning to feel reminiscent of Alice…
There’s just so much about him that draws me in. Yes, his emotional makeup may be a bit wonky, but when he’s being honest, he’s actually rather emotionally stable.Just like Alice.He’s broken, but not more broken than me. That’s my sweet spot.
Depression is sexy, especially on Byron. And past trauma?Rawr.
There’s something so irresistible about a hot boy with baggage.
Something about him has been calling out to me since the moment we locked eyes in the showers. He makes me feel like aLeo, and I both love it and fear it.
What are the chances I don’t screw this up?
Rhetorical.
Waking up in Byron’s bed isn’t new, since apparently my sleep issues have been bringing me down here almost every night, one way or another. But this time is different. Becausethis time, he doesn’t seem appalled by me being here. Since he invited me and all.
