Page 26 of Shadowman
I take a breath with my hand on the knob, chin tipping in his direction. “Anything I do, from here on out… is his fault.”
Sucking in a deep breath, I lift my hand, knockingone, two, threetimes on the door. I peer left, then right, shifting my weight back and forth, fiddling with the rings on my fingers.
I haven’t slept in a while. I’m not certain how long it’s been…
When did I sniff that shit that tasted like dirt with Andres? At least a few days ago…
Every noise has me flinching, until finally the door opens.
“Hey…” Alice says, her smile strained.
I’m trying not to notice the concern in her eyes.
Pushing my way inside, I sniff. “Hey. Is your brother here?”
She doesn’t answer me, and when I spin to face her, she’s standing there with her arms folded over her chest. I lift a questioning brow, and she sighs. “No. He’s out with Tommy.”
“Who?” I rub my eyes.
“You know, the busboy from the restaurant.”
“Oh… right.” I have no idea who she’s talking about, but it doesn’t matter.
I can’t think. I feel itchy and twitchy, and I wasreallyhoping he’d be here so I could grab something to sort me out.
Fuck fuck fuck. What am I gonna do now??
“Trevel… are you alri—”
“Do you know when he’ll be back?” I ask before she can go there, pacing circles around her living room.
I hear her sighing some more. “No. I don’t. Listen, I don’t like you hanging out with him. He’s a bad influence.”
Pausing my movements, I peek at her.
“Who made her the Queen of England?”
“Shut up,” I rumble at Leo. Alice’s face falls. She looks upset, and I squeeze my eyes shut in a hard blink. “Sorry, love. I’m just… stressed. It’s not a big deal… I have everything under control.”
Stepping up to her, I take her face in my hands, forcing her to look up at me.She’s much shorter without those killer heels she loves to wear.
“I’m worried about you,” she hums, her tone slithering its way inside my chest, in between the cracks and jagged pieces,wrapping around my decomposing heart. “You’ve been acting different the last few weeks… I’m not sure what happened, but I just hope you’re not, like, getting hooked on that shit, or—”
“Baby, I’mfine, I promise,” I tell her in the most assuring voice I can manage when I know bloody well it’s bullshit. I’m hanging on by a goddamn thread. “I can stop whenever I want.”
She gives me a look, but I ignore it, leaning in to kiss her lips softly, hoping to distract her from how obvious it is that I’m lying through my teeth. Unfortunately for both of us, it works. And the next thing I know, we’re in her bedroom, tearing off each other’s clothes.
Because despite how terrible I’ve been feeling for the last few months—since I wasabandonedby the only person who’s ever truly understood me—there’s still one thing in my life that puts me at ease. Something that settles me better than the drugs…
She peeks up at me, deep brown eyes framed by long, dark lashes, sparkling with hope; the purest potential I’ve seen in them since that first day, when I finally worked up the courage to let her see me. After weeks of following her around, justwatchingher in fascination; such a beautiful creature, brokenness worn on the outside, like a badge of honor. I’ve been drawn to her since the moment I laid eyes on her, like a moth to her brightly burning flame.
Thatsheaskedmeout was an undeserved miracle, because she’s entirely too good for me. But now that I have her, Ishoulddo whatever it takes to keep her. Rip out my own heart to keep her smiling. I feel infinitely stupid for ever fearing getting closer to her… Though I know in my heart she’s stupid for getting close tome.
I don’t want to hurt her… She’s perfect.
She tames the evil inside me. She’s the antidote to every bit of my darkness.
If ever there was a moment to tell her about my past, it would be now. She deserves to know the truth, to understand why I’ve been struggling. That there’s a reason when I pull away or act distant, and it has absolutely nothing to do with her.
