Page 268 of Shadowman
I snort, resting my head on his shoulder, because reliving all of this is making me sleepy. “It’s not a competition, baby. We both have our stories, and they’re both valid.”
“Did Dr. Love teach you that?” he teases, and I play-elbow him.
“So…. yea. Riverwoods. I was there for about two years before I was granted early release, which Dr. Love advocated for, by the way. He was the one who testified to the parole board that I was fit to rejoin society, so long as I continued outpatient treatment with him…” I snicker.
“What?” he asks. “You think he was wrong?”
“I thinkhethinks he was wrong.” I chuckle. “Or rather, he knew the only way to test my monster was to get me out of captivity. And that’s exactly what he did.”
I can feel Byron’s pulse picking up. “Do you think you belong in prison?”
I tilt my face. “I think there are certainly worse people out there…”
“That’s not an answer,” he whispers, and his tone, while he’s touching me and I can smell him… It zaps me in the balls.
“I suppose we’ll just have to wait and see, hm?” I purr. Byron bites his lip. “Does it frighten you…?”
He takes my face in his hands. “You did what you had to do, baby. I’d say that’s very Raphael of you.”
A wide grin captures my lips. His mouth inches over mine, and I’m longing to end this and just wrap myself around his big, strong body. But I force myself back, because I can’t always jump into the physical… That’s not what he wants.
“We’re not done yet,” I whisper, and he groans.
“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, how is there not a documentary about you?”
I laugh, shaking my head. He plays with the hair at my nape as I pick back up. “Fast forward a year or so after I’d been released, and I had a job, an apartment… I was seeing Dr. Love twice a week, and he had me on medication for my night terrors, depression and anxiety. I was still figuring out what life lookedlike for someone like me… Someone broken. I was trying hard to put Trevel back together, but I think I always knew in the back of my mind I was missing a few pieces. I thought I’d gotten past my past… Or maybe I just told myself I had. Because I wanted it…”
“Wanted what?” he asks softly.
“A normal life.” I feel so vulnerable in this moment. Split open for him, more than I’ve ever been with anyone else. “But I’m certain now that some people just aren’t meant for normal…”
“Fuck normal,”Leo grunts.
“Fuck normal,” Byron says firmly.
A whimpering chuckle leaves me as I touch him, because he’sperfect. All of him.Every bit.
“In Atlanta, I’d actually started dating,” I tell him. “Casually. I mean, it wasn’t reallydating. More like Tinder hookups, but still. It was something. I could finally have sex with guys without freaking out or losing my wood, so I called that a victory.”
Byron’s cheeks are flushing, and I have to bite back my smirk.
“One day, on the way to Dr. Love’s, I saw the most beautiful person in this coffee shop up the block from his office. She was working as a barista, and I was immediately swept away by her.” I pause to gulp before mumbling, “Her name was Alice.”
Speaking her name brings memories too… And they’re breaking my heart… Even the good ones.
Because she’s gone, and she doesn’tneedto be.
I think Byron can tell right away that the story is about to take another turn. He’s visibly bracing himself.
“Alice was a twenty-one-year-old trans woman from Colombia. She’d been through a lot in her life, what with transitioning and her family’s lack of acceptance. Of course, I didn’t know that at the time. All I knew was that she was beautiful. Her personality was like this glowing ball of light that followed her around. I guess you could say I… stalked her. Justa little. Amateur hour compared to your stalking,” I huff, and Byron smirks. “I just watched her come and go while struggling to work up the nerve to talk to her. Finally, one day, I took the leap, though, I still feel like she was the one asking me out. Which was bonkers because she was way out of my league.” I chuckle.
Byron appears fascinated and wholly invested.
“We dated for only a few weeks… Barely two months. But I felt so strongly for her. I’d never…” My words fade and gulp, noting a shift in Byron’s expression, the slightest increase in tension. It looks like he’s feeling jealous while trying not to, and it’s so unbearably sexy.Too bad that’s all going to change in a moment…“I wasn’t… good to her, though. Because I’m a mess, Byron. I’m acurse, baby, I’m just… awful—”
“Shh…” he shushes while my pulse pings. “Tell me why you think that…”
“Because I cheated on her,” I choke out, burying my face in his chest so I don’t have to see him looking at me while I say this… “With her brother.”
