Page 270 of Shadowman
His eyes are rounded as he shakes his head. “Of what?”
“Of hurting you, like I hurt Alice. Of ruining you, like I ruined myself… Of… losing you… In any way. Losing you to someone else…” My voice trails as I think of Ren. And Michelangelo…
He can obviously tell, because he breaks our eye contact. There are so many things in that one expression, so much of what we’ve been through over the last months. From the moment we met… until right now.
And I want it all. The good, and the bad.
“You said your feelings for Lem were like mine for Michelangelo,” he starts softly. Wary, but still…He’s still here.“Well, Michelangelo isn’t the only person I’ve… felt that for. He was my first, yes, but not the last. I’ve felt those same things,strongerthings… for someone else.” His throat dips in a heavy swallow, vulnerability shimmering in his eyes. “Have you?”
I know what he’s asking me… And I don’t need the moment it’s taking me to answer him. But I’m taking it, because I’m so afraid.
Please don’t let me lose him too… I won’t survive it.
I cup his jaw in my hand. “Baby, Ihave, I promise. Byron… My feelings for Lemuel were… only one tiny flicker. Barely anything. But there’s a wholeworldof light out there… belonging to someone else.”
His lashes flutter.
You’re all of it, sweet fury…
Every single shine and then some.
“I don’t want the past to matter, Trevel,” he hums.“I just want to move on, but I feel like we’re stuck in it.”
“How can we break free?” I ask him, pleading for answers because I need them, too.
I don’t know what I’m doing… In truth, I never did.
“You got your closure.” He gazes up at me. “I didn’t get that much. He’s gone, andthey’regone, and I never got to…” He gulps back his painful confession.
I gauge him closely, that grief he’s been wearing every day since he found out that Luthor and Ren were dead…
But they’re not.
They’re not dead.
I just spoke to Luthor.
“It’s over,”the voice speaks from inside my skull. I close my eyes and see him…Me, as Leonardo.“If they’re alive, it’ll never be over, Trevel. He’ll always be wondering where they are… Whereheis.”
My lip trembles, and I bite it. I’m aching inside, a bloody gash within my chest that just wants to be healed. And Ineedhim for that.
“With Ren gone, Byron is yours. You know I’m right.”
“But I can’t… I have to tell him,” I whimper, maybe out loud.
Oh, Byron… My fury. My warrior. My Raphael…
You’re all I want. But I’m terrified that you’ll get sick of me when you realize how much work it is to love me.
My lips are parted, the words resting on my tongue…
Ren’s not dead. Neither is Luthor. They’re alive, baby, and they might… be coming back…
But they won’t come out. I justcan’tcough them up. He’s just squirming, tense, with hesitation in his eyes.
Fuck me… This is agonizing.
“Do not fucking tell him,”Leo growls.
