Page 271 of Shadowman
But what if they show up? What then…?
“I h-have to… tell him,” I stammer.
“Trevel,” Byron hums my name, taking my wrists in his hands. “Is there… anything else?” I blink at him, gagging on guilt and those pesky truths I’m holding hostage. “Is thereanythingelse you want to tell me?”
“Y-yes… There is.” Sitting up slowly, I take a breath, casting one more glance at Leo. “We’re not alone.”
Life on this island is becoming stranger every day.
Every time I think maybe, justmaybe, things are settling down, some new bizarre thing pops up. Another layer to the nightmare, like a bad trip you just can’t come down from.No end in sight.
It’s starting to feel like we’re doomed. All of us. No matter which side of this thing you’re on, the future is looking bleak.I don’t mean to be a negative Nancy, but hey… If the deadly collar fits.
Thinking about how unsteady things used to be, when it was just the prison, living each day shuffling through concrete hallways, eating bland food and fighting just to feelanything, I find myself yearning to goback. Sure, I spent my days teetering between blinding fury and mind-numbing hopelessness, loathing my pathetic path of existence for leading me here; putting me in chains when all I’d wanted was to breakfree. But if I’d known things would end up likethis… Well, for starters, I would’ve been less mopey about it.
It’s been days, and by some minor miracle, The Ivory hasn’t found out that Trevel killed his doctors. He still thinks they’re working on Dr. Love down there in the tombs, with Treveloverseeing the wholeproject. And Trevel’s been doing a decent job of keeping up the charade. But we’re not naïve enough to believe it’ll last. It’s only a matter of time until the truth comes to light, and the next wave of thefiascobegins.
I worry about what that means for Trevel… and for me. We’re attached now, our lives entwined because of this relationship that neither of us fully understands. The Ivory has already used my feelings for Trevel as blackmail—when he sent me to the prison. What’s stopping him from using me as revenge for Trevel’s betrayal?
It’s all very fucked up. And to top it off, I recently found out that thisboyfriendof mine—if that’s what we’re calling him—iswaymore broken than I could’ve anticipated.
I hate to seem ungrateful after hefinallyconfided in me and shared what he’s been through; all the mayhem that led him here. I mean, I was practically begging for it—okay, I wasactuallybegging, a few times.But when he was pouring his heart out, slicing himself open at the middle and letting his guts spill all over me, there was a brief moment where I was so overwhelmed, I seriously wanted to hit the rewind button and go back into the dark.
Things were much less complicated when I was blissfully unaware of his many,manyissues.
I wonder if Dr. Love is open to holding a session down there in the dungeon… Because I think we couldbothuse it.
I’m not talking about Trevel’spast, per se—though listening to everything he’s experienced, all at once, was a bit jarring. I mean, how is it evenpossiblefor one human being to endure so much hardship? It’s a wonder he’s even still alive, let alone as outwardly well-adjusted as he is.
I will say, learning the truth about his past made me infinitely more fascinated by him, shining a light on his strength andresilience. And cards on the table, I totally get his obsession with revenge now.
But then there’s theotherpart…
My boyfriend has an imaginary friend.
Yea. That’s what I’m dealing with… Hence the need for emergency therapy.
Believe it or not, Trevel is actually extremely self-aware when it comes to the wholeLeo the talking Ninja Turtle-bearthing. He knows Leo isn’t real.So… that’s good, I guess.
But then he talks to him,out loud. He told me heseeshim. And I can’t tell if it’s just a coping mechanism, or if it’s something more worrying.
The first thing that came to mind was Dash. How he used to behave when he was here, like he was seeing and hearing things no one else could.
We’ve since found out that it was part of his schizophrenia. But Dr. Love treated Trevel foryearsas a patient. If Trevel had schizophrenia, surely, he would’ve picked up on it and diagnosed him…Right?
Or maybe he just hid Leo…reallywell.
That’s what I’m itching to figure out. If Leo is a symptom of some untreated mental illness, or if he’s really just… Trevel’s imaginary friend. Controlled by him and used as a way to deal with his past trauma.
I can’t tell. And Trevel is no help… Because while hedidtell me about his toy bear that he manifested into an anthropomorphized figment of his imagination, he refuses to talk about him any more than simply acknowledging his existence. He won’t answer any of my questions about Leo, and gets defensive when I bring him up, accusing me of thinking he’s crazy.
Let’s just say, I don’tnotthink he’s crazy… But I care about him. If he’s crazy, I want to know about it, so I can prepare myself. Because honestly… it’s not a deal-breaker.
I know, I seem like a desperate hoe, but I swear, that’s not what it’s about. I can’t lie, though.Crazyon Trevel is… kinda cute. It’s a Leonardo teddy bear, for fuck’s sake! I don’t care who you ask; that’s adorable,andpretty awesome.
Trevel Fenwick is under my skin.Deep, like where my bones are. At this point, I doubt something as endearing as him having an imaginary friend he argues with would drive me away. I’m not sure itcould.
Maybe I’m losing my mind, too. Maybe this wholefall of Alabaster Islehas sent me into an emotional tailspin, and because of that, things that might have worried me in the past I’m now finding charming. Like a welcomed distraction from the somber state of our existence…My own cuddly, unhinged ninja bear.
