Page 304 of Shadowman
“Yea, and sometimes family members bang each other,” Ren sneers. I snort. “And it’s beautiful.” He peeks at Luthor and winks.
“What our perverted pork dumpling here is trying to say is that we would never hold any of this against you.” Luthor grins. “And I’m sorry too. For overlooking your feelings and being selfish.”
“You really didn’t…” I shake my head.
“Okay, well, I did.” Ren sighs, rubbing his eyes. “Look, B, I’m sorry. I’msofucking sorry. I can never express to you just how deep it goes. You were totally right. Wewerebeing selfish and toxic, and that was mainly because of me. I did use you, and it’s not cool. I’ve been sick about it, honestly. Since even before we got out… Because I care about you, hard. You’re one of the most important people in my life, and I feel like I failed you…”
“No, you didn’t,” I fight past the emotion in my voice. He gives me a skeptical look of guilt, but I press on. “I’m serious. You did the best possible thing, Ren. You stayed true to yourself from day one. You’re the realest motherfucker I’ve ever met, and I’m sorry I was too afraid to be real in return. I’m sorry I didn’t just… I don’t know, talk to you or something. I should’ve handled it all better.”
“Me too.” Ren throws his arms around my shoulders. And I slink mine around his waist, holding him tight.
Damn… Talk about a million pounds of weight off my shoulders.
It feels incredible tofinallybe honest with him. Having all of this out in the open. This is what I’ve been needing all along.
I know I’m not in love with Ren. Part of me will always feelsomething—between friendship and more—because of how much we’ve been through. But above all else, he’s myfriend, and I love that more than whatever confusing proxy shit got into my head.
“Are you still into me?” He grins on my neck, and I shove him away. “It’s okay, you can tell me. I might be engaged, but I can still be the object of men’s fantasies. That’s not cheating.”
Luthor scoffs, shaking his head.
My lashes flutter at them. “Wait, you’re…engaged??”
They’re clearly trying to dampen their luminous expressions as Ren lifts his left hand, wiggling his finger, adorned with a thin silver ring.
“Holy shit…” I breathe, mouth sloping. “Congratulations.”
“Is it okay?” Luthor’s forehead lines. “I can take it back if it upsets you…”
Ren gasps, smacking him in the chest. “Bitch.”
Luthor chuckles. “My fiancé, ladies and gentlemen.” He grasps Ren’s jaw and kisses him.
And the best part is that I’m not jealous anymore. Not of them, anyway. I’m justhappyfor them because I love them. But most importantly, they loveeach other, more than anyone’s ever loved anyone or anything.
There’s no one moremeant to bethan Luthor and Ren.
Unfortunately, therearetwinges of jealousy as I look around at all these couples. All happy, engaged, and moving forward. It stings like salt being sprinkled on the open wound in my chest…
Because I’d thought I was headed there, too, finally. For the first time, I thought Ihadsomebody, who was more than a fuckbuddy or a friend, or a proxy.
I thought I had a real partner I could love, and who would love me back. Instead, it was just more darkness…
And now it’s gone. And I’m alone again.
In a room full of couples—and throuples—with no one to call my own.
Sniffing, I fight hard to shake it off. “I can’t wait to hear about everything you guys have been through since you left.”
“Please, no one cares about that,” Ren huffs. “I wanna hear about how bi you are. Have you hooked up with anyone else I know? Other than my fiancé, I mean.”
My eyes flick to Dash, and I clear my throat. “Stories for another time.”
“I’m gonna hold you to that,Bi-ron.” He beams. Luthor and I frown. “Like with a B.I… No? Come on, that’s funny!”
“Not when you’re saying it out loud,” Luthor argues.
“Fine, I’ll text it you.” He rolls his eyes.
