Page 307 of Shadowman
Felix swallows visibly, wariness in his gray eyes. He still seems reticent around me, as if he thinks I might try to hit him again if he says the wrong thing.
But then he murmurs, “I heard about what happened… with you and Trevel.” My gut wrenches like the bolts I was just tightening. “That he found out Luthor and Ren weren’t really dead and didn’t tell you…”
“Okay…” I grumble, unable to keep the bite out of my tone. “I’m kinda not trying to think about that right now, bud…”
He blinks at me. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay…”
“Listen, this isn’t a fucking reality show,” I snap. “There’s life-and-death shit going on all around us, which is a hell of a lot more important than some relationship drama, you know?”
Felix nods, parting his lips. But before he can offer a response, I bark, “I’m just saying…daysof watching me grieve, knowing he could put an end to it. That’s what it comes down to. He stood there while me and Dashfell apart!And didn’t say a damn word! The dude must be a total psycho…” I pause to take a breath, because suddenly I’m fuming.
Without even realizing it, I’m pacing, and Felix is watching me.
“Okay, so he has issues… Cool. Welcome toEarth.Everyonehas issues! Sure, his are… pretty diesel. I mean, he’s been through more shit that I can even comprehend…” My voice trails.
Felix blinks. “Did he explain w—”
“I don’t want to hear excuses,” I cut him off with a hiss. “I’m too pissed. He lied to my fuckingface… Issues or not, that’s not cool. I bet he knew Ren was in the East too… Which is something I’d asked him about, point-blank, because he was being shady…” I rub my eyes. “It’s just… petty. This jealousy thing… I bet that’s what it is, too. Since day one, he’s been jealous of my relationship with Ren… Because he knew it was complicated.”
My mind is bristling with thoughts, stopping and lingering on the memories of how jealousIwas over his crush on Dr. Love…
Like when we fucked in Felix’s bed… That whole thing started because I was jealous of him being jealous of Darcey.
Ew, why is this sounding so drama?! This is some Luthor and Ren shit!
I peek at Felix, a lot of my anger fading into confusion, guilt and gloom. Because I know Trevel’s not into Dr. Love like that anymore. And he knows I’m not still into Ren like that…Doesn’t he?
“Whatever. I just don’t want to be lied to, ya know? We were supposed to be… headed somewhere. I thought we were…” My voice dries up, and I swallow as Felix’s brow furrows. I clear my throat and shake my head. “It doesn’t matter. Because he’stoo much, and clearly, I dodged a bullet. So, I’m fine, if that was your question, honestly, I can’t remember…”
Jesus. So much for not thinking about it.
“Hey…” Felix reaches out, like he might try to rub my shoulder or something for comfort, but I glare at him, and he pulls back. “I just… I understand where you’re coming from. When Lem and I first started fooling around, I didn’t know shit about him.”
My brow cocks.
“He was my doctor, and he was extremely aloof. I couldn’t get a read on him to save my life. He resisted it hard, and there was a major power shift in the beginning. It was pretty frustrating.”
Mulling over his words, I’m giving him my full attention.
“All I can say is, it’s not always about how it starts, or how it looks to the outside world. Where it ends up is what matters most. And how you feel about each other.” He tilts his head. “I saw some very obvious chemistry between you two. We both did. And when I saw him in the tombs—”
“You saw him?” My eyes widen.
He nods. “After Lem got out, I stayed back to let Trevel know what was going on and see if you guys needed help. I met up withhim in the tombs… and he said he wanted to be with you. He said that was all he cares about. Word for word.”
I feel like I’m falling apart inside, while frantically fighting to stay together. I’m justsosick of being vulnerable when my heart keeps getting stomped.
“Maybe it’s not my place to get involved…” Felix says softly. “I just wanted to tell you what he said. He seemed sincere…”
“Yea, well… He’s a liar,” I grumble. “A pretty damn convincing one…”
My eyes fling to Ren like an instinct.
Felix catches on and whispers, “You know what broken looks like, Byron. So you know it’s not always that simple. Sometimes they’re hurting so bad, they end up hurting the ones they love by mistake.”
There’s a significant pang of remorse in my chest. I hate it. Ihatethat he fucked me over, andIfeel bad…
But I think Felix is right. After everything Trevel’s been through in his life, he’s probably entitled to be a little fucked up—okay, a lot fucked up—and make more than a few mistakes.
