Page 6 of Shadowman
Blood. Everywhere.
“In all honesty, this could be the reason you’re hesitating so much when it comes to getting physical with Alice,” he goes on, yanking me, almost brutally, out of the depths of my thoughts. “You feel like you’re being dishonest.”
I swallow thickly. “I’ve had physical relationships with people since Riverwoods…” My voice trails, though I don’t mean for it to. So I roll my eyes to seem extra adamant. “It’s not like I tell people I meet on Tinder about all my issues before sleeping with them.”
“Those relationships are strictly physical,” he counters. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but with Alice, it’s different, is it not?”When are you ever wrong, Dr. Genius?I nod hesitantly.“You’ve been invested in making this relationship work for weeks, despite not having been physical yet.”
Petulantly, I pout. “We’ve donesomethings…”
“And in showing your support for Alice with her struggles,” he goes on, ignoring my stubborn little comment, “comforting her through her family troubles, being an ear and a shoulder for her, you’ve aided in her bringing down her walls.” He stares at me for a moment before murmuring, “What about yours?”
Fucking hell… The bloke is good.
Sometimes I resent it. How he’s able to make the things I grapple with seem so cut-and-dry. But then I remember that he has my best interests at heart. He’s been the only one on my side for years…
He’s theonlyone who knows the real me.
Maybe I like that fact…
In lieu of accidentally blurting this out, or making some face that allows him to read me, I look down at my hands, wringing them in my lap. “I suppose I could… speak to her about it.”
Dr. Love nods in agreement. “But just so we’re clear, Trevel, in no way do I think youneedto tell Alice about your past, your condition, or your fears in order to get physical with her. I don’t believe you owe her anything, especially if she’s as eager to be physical as you’ve said.” I release a breath and nod, relieved. “That said, I do believe you owe it to yourself. Something is holding you back. Fear of hurting her is only the surface of it.”
My head is swirling with his words. All of these thoughts that make me question myself…
Who am I?
What does it all mean?
Will Ievermove on?? Or has this tortured madness been baked into me too deep?
Dr. Love taps his pen against his full bottom lip.
“Maybe I’ll tell Alice I prefer to go to bed alone,” I croak, watching his mouth. “So that if we do… something… I won’t be worried about wigging out on her in my sleep.”
“Sure.” Dr. Love nods. “Just find a way to word it that doesn’t make it sound like you’re kicking her out after sex.” His mouth pulls the faintest of smirks.
But still, it’s there. And it’s breathtaking.
A small laugh puffs out of me, my chest all warm and fuzzy as he glances at the wall behind me.
“We’re out of time for today.” He slaps his notebook shut.
Standing, I ignore the familiar sting in my chest I tend to feel when our sessions are over. It’s entirely nonsensical, anyway. “Cracking, as always. See you next week?”
Dr. Love stares at me for a moment, something peculiar flashing in his striking amber eyes. But it’s gone in a blink as he nods. “It’s a date.”
Those three words are on my mind for the rest of the evening.
All throughout the ten-minute walk to my favorite sushi spot, the fifteen minutes that I wait for my food to be prepared, then the five-minute walk to my apartment. The whole time I’m enjoying my eel and sweet potato roll while watchingWhat We Do In The Shadows, chuckling at the hijinks of Laszlo, Nandor, and Colin Robinson. While I’m relaxing on my chaise lounge, adjacent to my bed because I live in a studio, writing and thinking. When I begin to yawn and decide it’s time for sleep. During the entirety of my nighttime routine, and even when I climb into bed…
They’re in my brain. Flickering like the flame of a candle I refuse to blow out. Three words, out of the whole lot, hold me captive.
It’s a date.
My weekend kicks off like any other. I work a full day on Saturday, texting with Alice here and there.
Weekends are always busy at Zen—the yoga studio and relaxation spa where I work. I’ve been a yoga instructor here for about nine months. I was surprised when they hired me, being that the only experience I had was leading our yoga class at Riverwoods. But they gave me a chance, and I’m grateful. Even more so that they promoted me a couple of months ago to part-time masseur, because massage therapists certainly make more than yoga instructors, what with the tips and all.
