Page 70 of Shadowman
“So what the fuckareyou telling us?? Huh?!” I bark.
Ren’s eyes widen. “Shh! Simmer down, bitch.”
“No. Fuck that!” I roar, jumping to my feet. “You’re saying that dweeby psycho twinksomehowmurdered our friend, then set our other friend free?? And it’s just like,‘Ah well… Shit happens! Prison’s no match for The Carver!’” I rake my fingers through my hair. “O’Malley didn’t deserve to die that way!”
I’m splitting. I canfeelthe stress cracks slithering all throughout my insides. Picking up my tray of food, I whip it at the wall.
These emotions are too intense. The grief, the hopelessness, the regret. I can’t process it all.
No. I don’twantto. Anger is much easier for me to manage. Anger is straightforward, but the rest of this shit is just too… fuckingmessy.
“Kang, it’s okay,” Luthor stands, trying to talk me down, his eyes shifting nervously. “Just breathe… Head in the—”
But it’s too late. I’m overflowing, and it’s gotta go somewhere.
I smack his hand away when he tries to touch me, cutting off his attempts at reassurance. “You know Dash is probably dead too, right?? Fucking fish food, bro! They’re both gone, you get that?? We’re never gonna see them again!”
“Hey!” Joy comes out of nowhere, grabbing me by the shoulders. “You need to calm your ass down.”
“Fuck off.” I gasp for air, struggling to breathe all of a sudden.
My heart is beating too fast.
I don’t need this.
I don’t… belong… here.
I think I’m having a panic attack.
Joy quickly drags me away, pulling me out into the hallway while I’m physically fuming, chest huffing and puffing. As soon as we’re out of view of everyone else, she lets me go. Lets me pace back and forth like a caged animal, because she knows I need to. She just stands back and watches me, arms folded over her chest.
It’s not working to calm me down, though, and I’m sure she knows that too. Eventually, I have to stop, or I’ll collapse.
Fuck this.
Fuck every single bit of this fucking place.
With my back up against the wall, I slide down onto the floor until I’m slumped, holding my head in my hands. Just trying to breathe. To focus on just that; the inhales, and the exhales.
Joy plops down next to me, leaning in close. She runs her nails up the nape of my neck, and it’s oddly comforting. Thetouch right now feels good. So good that my stiff muscles eventually ease and my breathing evens out.
“I know he wasn’t a… good person.” I tremble out the words. Now that the rage is fading off, the other emotions are building up higher in its place. “But he was still my friend. I understood how he felt sometimes… We were both—” I swallow down my words on a painful gulp.
We were both lost.
“I’m sorry,yeobo,” she hums.
Sniffing, I peek at her. “Do you think Dash made it?”
There’s a rare flash of worry in her eyes as she rests her head against mine. And she mutters, barely audibly, “I fucking hope so.”
We sit in silence for a while, until Joy finally stands with a sigh, pulling me up by my hand. “You wanna go back? I’ll bring you food.”
“What about the lockdown…?” I ask, defeated by the metric ton of uncertainty weighing on my shoulders.
“Let him come for me over some goddamn cup-o-noodles.” She cracks the smallest smirk, and I mirror it back.
I still have friends here. They’re not all gone.
