Page 73 of Shadowman
“Are you asking me or answering me?” My gaze narrows.
“Um… both? No, neither.” He falters, then exhales swiftly. “Fuck, I don’t know what to say here… I don’t want to upset him. You know he’s all shy and shit.”
His lips slope into a dopey, love-struck grin that he tries biting off while my shoulders drop.
“Holy… fuck,” I breathe, like a deflating balloon. “You did. You two finally… had sex.”
My mind feels as blank as my face.
Meanwhile, Ren’s smile is brighter than the Aurora fucking Borealis as he leans in. “Just don’t tell him I told you or anything. I’m sure he’s trying to downplay it to make himself feel better.”
I swallow even rougher, nodding. Just nodding, over and over. I can’t stop. Totally on autopilot right now.
Great. This is… great.
I’m so… happy… for them.
“He’s gonna want to keep it casual.” Ren sighs, still beaming. Practically floating away. And I’m weighted to my seat. “For now. But he’ll get there. I’m confident.”
“That’s…” I have to stop to clear my throat, because my voice is jagged as fuck. “Great. Good for you guys, I guess.”
Ren does one of his dopey puppy-dog looks. “You don’t sound happy.”
I bite the inside of my cheek and shrug. “I don’t care that you and Luthor are banging… Do whatever you want. Just don’t come crying to me when shit falls apart again. Or expect me to pick up the pieces.Again.”
“Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence.” Ren rolls his eyes. “Look, I’m really trying this time, okay? I don’t want to screw this up—”
“Again…” I say the word for a third time, sounding very salty.Extra sodium.
“BecauseI know this is my last shot.” He shoots me a serious look to counter my obvious skepticism and blatant inability to be supportive.
Now it’s my turn to roll my eyes and gag a response. “Whatever, Ren. I’m happy for you guys because you’re my best friends. But after a certain point, it’s like… I don’t know, I’ll believe it when I see it.”
Ren is gaping at me, but I can’t look at him anymore. My stomach is bunched, and I’ve completely lost my appetite. I just want to go lie down.
I’m so fucking tired. This one stupid conversation feels like it took years off my life.
Why do I feel like this?
What’s wrong with me??
Luthor comes wandering back to the table, slumping down next to me with an aggrieved breath.
“What was all that about?” Ren asks, immediately scooping Luthor’s hand back up in his.
I can’t stop staring at their tangling fingers while Luthor straightens.
“I just spoke to Dash on the phone. He’s… alive.”
It’s not often that I allow myself to miss things from the outside. That’s a habit that’ll most definitely drive you nuts in here.
I don’t like to wonder what’s happening outside these walls. What my parents are doing, how many kids my sister must have, what the big movies and TV shows everyone’s loving must be…
Has technology changed drastically? Are the robots uprising yet? Did the Jets finally give up?
Too much uncertainty. I’m better off living in quiet denial, pretending that nothing outside matters or even exists. As far as I’m concerned, this stupid fucking island is the entire world.
Fuck me, that’s depressing.
