Page 76 of Shadowman
No… Nowhere to be, no one to see…
“I’d just rather be in my cell,” I gripe. “It smells like crusty asshole in here.”
“You paint a very pleasant word picture, you know that?” She huffs, then nods. “Come on. We’re going to showers.”
I stay with Joy the whole way there, avoiding walking near Luthor and Ren, because if I get tangled up in their incessant need to hold hands everywhere they go, I might rip their arms off.
I’m all pent-up aggression with nowhere to direct it. We haven’t been down to the rec room in forever, and I could really use the exercise. Being able to move around in a space bigger than a ten-by-ten, sparring with Joy…
She probably gets enough cardio now that she has two huge boyfriends.
“What’s up with you?” she asks me, smacking her billy club into her palm over and over. “That time of the month again?”
“Fuck off,” I mutter, and she chuckles. “I’m just… whatever. It’sprison. We’re supposed to be miserable. Isn’t that the point?”
She gives me a look, a studious one that has me feeling exposed. Especially when her eyes shift behind me to Luthor and Ren.
“You know what I think?” She inches closer. “I think you need to get laid.”
My eyes spring to hers. Her grin widens, and I scoff, phoning in some cocky overconfidence to avoid feeling like she might be right. “You volunteering your services?”
“Please. You could barely handle what I used to throw your way.” She winks. I roll my eyes.
Refusing to admit that on some level, she might be right.
Once we’re settled in the showers, I can’t help mulling over Joy’s words. I know it’s not the only reason I’m hating life right now… But it’s definitely a side-effect.
Being one of Ren’s consistent Luthor-proxies gave me access to semi-regular orgasms. Losing that was a hit to my prison sex life, though I refuse to admit it.Looks like we’re back to my hand, or nada.
Stepping under the flow of water, I let it wash over my warm skin, peeking right. Remembering a time in this exact location, nearly three years ago…
When I first laid eyes on my very own black-haired, blue-eyed replacement…
A throaty chuckle and a soft whimper drag me out of my memories.
I peer right again, but unlike in my memory, Luthor and Ren aretogether, under one shower head, soaping each other up.
Biting the inside of my cheek so hard I taste blood, I force myself to ignore them.
Ignore how good it looks… How much I wantthat.
Stop it. You’re not fucking gay, and you don’t need a boyfriend.
Whatever I thought I could’ve had outside of here is irrelevant. Becauseoutsidedoesn’t matter anymore.Insideis all we have, and my inside is fuckingempty.
Alabaster Penis the world I’m living in. Where a hole is just a hole, fucking is just fucking, and when it’s over, it’s just…over.
I don’t need a new pretty boy with dark hair and bright eyes and a killer smile.I don’t need another Michelangelo.
This heartless fighter will bejust fineon his own.
“Why so serious?”
The first time I followed someone, I was sixteen.
I was coming home from school after staying late for detention, traveling as slowly as humanly possible because I knew the kind of horrible berating I was about to endure from my father. He didnottolerate his children slacking off in school, let alone receiving detention for smoking a cigarette in the bathroom.
Man, you’d think he was Buddha him-fucking-self the way he acts like he’s never made a single mistake.
