Page 11 of Until I Found You
Five
Halle
God, I just wanted to smack him across his handsome face for what he said when we were outside. He knew what he was doing trying to get a rise out of me, only now it was different. It made want to slap him even more.
It had felt like forever since we were together in this house. There were so many nights I’d lay in my bed with my eyes closed trying to picture him and all the times we were together. I remember the way our eyes would always find each other’s, even in a crowded room. It was like there was a string tying my body to his, keeping us tethered together.
Being near him now, even in the quietness of his mom’s house after all this time, I still find myself wanting to walk across this room and wrap my arms around his waist, press my face against his chest, and inhale his clean scent.
Sometimes, in my dreams, I’d swear I could smell him. It seems crazy to say this, but there were times I’d wake up expecting to find him at the foot of my bed, the scent was so strong. Those were the nights when the dreams seemed so real, it’s like they were haunting me.
In the beginning, I couldn’t come around Sandy or this house without the sadness I felt nearly crippling me.
So, I wasn’t proud of who I was after that. I would’ve given anything to make those feelings go away. I just wanted to have someone look at me the same way Graham did, so I searched for it, through meaningless relationships. I’d drink my way through bottle after bottle, hoping to find what I was looking for at the bottom. Hoping to numb my pain, but it never worked. Going home with nameless strangers never helped either.
I sent him texts for almost a year, telling him how much I loved him, how I would never give up on him or us, and when he was ready to come home, I’d be here for him waiting.
Thinking about it now, I wonder if he ever read those messages.
Using the back of my arm, I wipe the strand of blonde hair that has fallen from my ponytail and brush it back away from my face. Reaching over, I turn on the sink testing the water temperature before pumping soap onto my hands.
I close my eyes for a second, rubbing my hands together as I let my mind wander back to our conversation outside.
I don’t hear him come up behind me over the sound of the water splashing against the sink. When he clears his throat, I know he’s wondering what I’m doing.
“You alright?” he asks, his eyebrows furrow as he looks over my face, checking to make sure there are no signs that something is wrong.
I run my hands under the water, before turning it off and grabbing two paper towels from the counter to dry them.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a long day is all, and I still have to get to the salon after this.”
“Salon, huh? I was there the other day, saw it when Kinsley gave me a haircut. Mason told me about it a while back, said Hudson was proud of you two. How he was going around town singing his praises over all you had accomplished.”
My smile warms my face thinking about Kinsley’s grandfather and his pride he’s always had for all of us.
“Yeah, we opened it last year. It’s been going well actually, I love it. It’s what makes me happy.”
His eyes focus on my mouth for a moment, which only makes me more conscious of it. I force my mouth to close, biting on my lip. Graham clears his throat, clenching his hands together before he glances back at me.
“Listen Hals, um–Halle, I had no idea you had been coming by here and doing work for my mom.” His face softens and I know, even after our little tiff we had outside, he appreciates me looking out for her. “You really didn’t have to do that, but I’m glad you were there for her when I wasn’t. I don’t know what she had you doing or if you had to spend any of your own money, but if you did please let me know. I have no problem paying you back for whatever you’ve spent helping her around the house, picking up stuff from the store. I’m back home now though, so I can take over, so you don’t have to. I’m sure you have other things, other people you’d rather be spending your time with.”
My eyes narrow at him. I know he means well, he just wants to show his appreciation, but it ticks me off at the same time. Taking the paper towels in my hand, I crumple them up in my fist, clenching it.
“Graham, I didn’t do that for you. I did that for her. I wasn’t the only person you chose to run out on when you left for Chicago, not bothering to care what it did to us here. I came by because I knew she missed you and could use the help. After a while, it just became our routine. I’d stop by, help her do some things around the house, have lunch with her, or pick up a few things she needed from the store. You don’t owe me a penny, nor do you need to be concerned with who I spend my time with, whether it’s your mother or someone else. I bet it won’t be long now before you get busy with your new business or decide your time is up here. She’ll need my help again, so if it’s alright with you, I’d like to keep up with the routine we’ve had worked out.”
“Well, see, that’s the thing,” he sighs, running his hand along the back of his neck.
He always did that when he was tense or feeling stressed, which makes me wonder what else he has weighing on his mind. It’s none of my business though; he’s proven for a long time he doesn’t need me being there to help him through. “I’m not going anywhere, Halle. What’s it gonna take to get you to believe me?”
I chuckle softly to myself. There were years I hoped this day would come, that Graham would tell me he’s here to stay, but somehow hearing it now, it’s different. I almost wish he would go to avoid the pain of having to be around him again while not being able to hold him.
“I don’t believe you for a second, but for your mom’s sake, I hope it’s the truth. Like I said, I didn’t do this for you. I stopped caring what you wanted or made you happy a long time ago.”
* * *
After leaving Sandy’s house, I decided to go for a drive and blare some music before I head into the salon for the day. I had some time to spare before my first client and while I had things I could get done, I needed some time to collect my thoughts. Going for a long drive was one of the few ways I’ve been doing that nowadays.
Something about rolling down your windows, turning up the music, and taking the back roads around this town was soothing to my soul. I sang Miranda Lambert so loud I couldn’t even think about how much I missed Graham. For a second, with the wind blowing through my hair, it almost seemed like the weight of missing him all these years was gone too.
