Page 20 of Now that I Found You
Chapter Eight
Ellie
The sound of police shouting out orders and sirens blaring replay over and over in my head. Clutching my arms around my stomach, I press my back against the wall of the hospital, sliding down to curl into a ball.
I hate everything about being in this hospital. The last time we were here resurfaces so many terrible memories and, once again, I’m faced with the cruelty of the world and the uncertainty of whether I’ll ever get to see Callum’s face again.
Why does it feel like every time things are starting to look up for me, life wants to come crashing in and remind me it’s not as good as it seems?
Tears fall from my eyes in waves. I don’t know how long I sit here, cold and crying, when the sound of Brea’s soft voice pulls me from my turmoil.
“Oh, God, Ellie. It’s going to be okay,” she whispers, wrapping her warm arms around me. She hugs me, holding me as we both cry together on the hallway floor before Mason’s soothing voice pulls us both up to stand. He drapes his jacket over me. Only then do I realize the blood staining my shirt and my hands.
“No, no, no,” I cry, shaking as I hold my hands out in front of me. Mason covers me in his coat, ushering me down the hall.
“It’s okay, Ellie. He’s going to fight through this. I promise you, he’s gonna fight for you. Let’s get you cleaned up.”
With Brea’s arms around me and the jacket draped over my shoulders, I pull the coat tighter, hoping to block off the blood I can’t get out of my mind.
Mason tells us to stand right here, as he jogs over to the nurses’ station a few feet away. He mutters something to the nurse, her wide eyes darting to me before nodding. He runs his hand over his jaw and, in that moment, when he thinks I’m not looking, I see the pain and fear on his face. The thought of losing his older brother starts to set in, and the knot in my stomach tightens at the possibility of losing Callum.
My hands wrap around my stomach, picturing the life growing inside me, raising this little boy or little girl without their father. I know what it’s like to lose your parent. The finality of death taking everything away. My heart aches thinking how Callum may never know he is going to be a dad, sending another wave of emotion crashing through me.
“Oh, Ells,” Brea murmurs, hugging me again.
“I never got the chance to tell him,” I mumble against her shoulder. I can barely get the words out and my chest hurts hearing those very words spoken aloud. “I went to the doctor today and confirmed everything. I never got to, he doesn’t know.”
I pull back, staring Brea in the eyes, seeing the dread and sadness she’s trying to keep hidden, trying to stay strong for me. But we don’t know what’s going on, if he’s going to be okay. I can’t expect her to have the answers for me, but right now I wish she’d just lie to me and pretend like she does.
“Come here, let’s get you cleaned up,” Mason says, ushering us to follow behind the nurse who leads us into a private room.
I’m in a daze as Mason helps me to the sink, turning on the water and squirting soap into my hands. Brea uses a towel and water to wipe blood I didn’t even know was on my chest and cheek from when I held Callum when he laid there lifeless on the floor.
I hear the nurses’ muffled words behind us, how she has brought me a change of clothes until I am able to get something else to wear. She sets them on the chair next to us.
“Do you want me to stay in here with you while you change?” Brea asks, handing me a towel to dry my hands off. It takes me a second to comprehend her words as I slowly shake my head.
“I can do it. You don’t have to help me but thank you.”
“I know I don’t have to, Ellie. I’m here if you need me though.”
I nod, as her and Mason move to the door. Brea looks back at me once, giving me another chance before she follows him out into the hallway.
Standing in front of the mirror on the wall, I stare at the blood staining my shirt as tears form in my eyes. I bite down on my lip, trying to stop it from quivering, as I reach for the hem of my shirt and pull it over my head.
My hand trembles as I run my palm over my stomach. The thought of raising this baby without Callum sends another wave of emotions tidaling through me. It’s like the waters are coming at me from all directions, pulling me under, and I can’t breathe.
The only things keeping me holding on by a thread are this baby and the hope that Callum will make it through surgery. He was so strong for me when it was me in this position. Knowing now the fear he had felt waiting for the police to give him news, for me to wake up, I understand how hard this was on him.
He didn’t give up though. He prayed and prayed for me to fight. I’ve been through far too much to give up and let someone threaten to take away everything I’ve ever wanted.
When you’re standing with all you’ve ever wanted before you and the threat of someone taking that away, are you just going to throw in the towel and walk away? No. You fight because anything worth having is worth fighting over.
Promise me you will no longer be held back by your fears and you’ll follow your dreams.
Reaching up, I clasp my hand around my compass necklace, the gift from my grams. I draw strength from the woman who gave me so much when it felt like everything was drained out of me. When I felt like all my strength was gone and the will to fight had been ripped away, she reminded me of the happiness both her and my father would’ve wanted for me.
Leaning forward, I grab the scrub top left for me on the chair and pull it over my head. I run my fingers under my eyes, wiping away the streaks of mascara left on my face and let out a heavy sigh.
