Page 91 of There's Pumpkin About You
“I’m sorry.”
I step closer to him. “I know.”
“I’m not good at this, Wren.” He lets his head fall, looking so defeated that it hurts my heart. “I’m sorry I was gone for so long, sweetheart. Really, I am. At first, I was so afraid because you never really gave those girls a definite answer, and that just reignited the fears that I had tried to ignore, but the longer I went without seeing you, the more I realized that I needed this time. I needed it to think about what I want for myself, what I want for this farm.”
“And now?” I’m on edge as I wait for his reply, eager to know whether I have a place in the life of Gus Finch or not.
He lifts my chin, and when I see his soft, warm smile, it feels as if the sun is shining that little bit brighter.
“Now, I know not just what I need, but what I deserve. Sweetheart, I want you. I think I have since the first moment I met you. I want to wake up to you, sleep next to you. I want to kiss you whenever I get the urge, I want to see a smile on your face every day. The reason I needed the time wasn’t to realize that, but to think about how to navigate this.
“When I form an emotional connection with someone, it’s not a small thing. I rely on that connection in a way that sometimes I think isn’t healthy. And I don’t want to be unhealthy for you, I want to be exactly what you want and need, too. Even after this short time together, I have this overwhelming desire to tell you not just that I love you, but that I’m devastatingly obsessed with you, and I have no idea if that’s a normal amount of time or if that’s too fast and if that will scare you off.
“Hell, this is the most I’ve spoken in one sitting in maybe two years, but if this is the version of me that you prefer, I will talk every minute of every goddamn day. And if that scares you off, or if that is too much then I will have to live with that, because yes, I had to learn how to love you, but I also had to take the time to learn to love myself.
“I want to be with you, but I needed to know that I could also be without you as well. I’ve been abandoned in more ways than I care to admit. As much as I pretend that my dad leaving didn’t affect me, it did. It made me bitter and it made me guarded. Ialways assume that people are going to leave because that’s what they do sometimes, but it took Bash and Sam knocking some sense into me to make me realize that that’s okay. People will leave and people will stay and both are fine because the people who are worth keeping in your life will always come back. And I think you’ll come back to me, Wren, no matter how far you go, and if taking your business to another city or another state is what you decide to do, then you’ll have my complete support.”
I can’t breathe. I can’t think. How the hell do you follow words that are so raw, so real? How do you understand the weight of his words and get across to him that you want everything he’s scared of?
“You want to be with me?” I ask.
Brown eyes flick to my lips quickly. “Desperately.”
“Then be with me,” I say simply. “Love me. Want me. Do it all. I’m ready for it. I want it, because I love you, too, August.”
And I do. God, I do, I just never realized the extent to which I do until I didn’t see him for so long.
“Thank God.”
He leans forward to kiss me, but I stop him with a hand on his mouth.
“My turn.” I take a deep breath, moving my hand to cradle his face instead. “Gus, I owe you an apology as well. I was so set on making sure that my heart never breaks again, that I never took the time to realize that maybe some people are worth getting it broken. When Adam cheated on me, it killed a part of me, the part that believed in myself and trusted my decisions, because how can I trust myself when I choose men like him?
“So, I protected myself. I told you that my job is all I care about because I thought maybe if I say it out loud, it would be true. But, in all honesty, Gus, when the twins asked me to plan their gala, I wanted to say yes, but then they said later on that it would be in California, and I wanted nothing more than to say no. I wanted to tell them that the idea of being so far from my home makes me feel uneasy, even if I’m only gone for a week or two. And when I say my home, Gus, I mean you. I mean Oakleigh, Finn, Jamie and your brothers. I love all of you guys, but you? I will never love anyone the way I love you.”
The sigh of relief that leaves him as he brings me into his arms is a feeling that cannot be explained. It feels as if the world is complete, as if the weight on my chest has now crumbled into a million pieces, leaving a light feeling in my heart.
When he kisses me, I smile against his lips, grateful that the one man I want in my life is just as flawed as me, and that those flaws are my favorite part of him.
“I’m so glad you came back, because I’m pretty sure that if I had tried to cut one more block of wood, I would have fucked up my shoulder again. It’s killing me.”
“Please stop chopping wood,” I chuckle.
“Consider it done, sweetheart.” He kisses me once more. “Oh, and before I forget. Sam and Bash weren’t the only ones who had a chat with me.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, Emilio had some things to say as well. Turns out you were right… he’s still a bit of a biter.”
Laughing with him feels so right… almost as right as arguing, and knowing that I get to both laugh with him and argue with him in the future makes me feel I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.
Epilogue
GUS
“You’re doing really well, Gus,” Doctor Shakari tells me as she finishes up examining my shoulder. “Really, really well. The physio is working even better than I’d hoped.”
“Thanks.”
