Page 54 of Strong Side
“Well … here’s the other embarrassing piece of all of this.” I cover my face with my hands. “I asked him to teach me how to be better in bed.”
She doesn’t say anything, so I uncover my eyes and look over at her.
“You’re not a virgin though, right?” she questions.
“No, but Trey was my first, and according to him, I didn’t know what I was doing in the bedroom, so I don’t know … I guess I wanted to see what I was doing wrong, and Casey seemed to be the best person to ask.” I shrug. “It sounds so stupid when I say all of this out loud, but it really messed with my head. And when I walked in on him and Zoey that day, they were going at it in a way we never did. Like, completely different. When we were together, it was all very vanilla, I guess you would say.” I shake my head. “Like, he never wanted to do anything that made me feel good. My first orgasm was with Casey, and Trey and I were together off and on for nearly two years.”
“Honestly, that doesn’t surprise me in the least. You know he’s a narcissist, right? I wasn’t even around much to see you together, but I could spot it from a mile away.” She places her hand back on top of mine. “Look, everything that Trey might have said or done means nothing. It’s going to take some time,but he actually did you a favor. Because you might not have seen his true colors until even more damage was done.”
“See, like, logically, I know this, but I just don’t understand how I could have been so wrong about someone. I know he was my first boyfriend, but seriously, Chelsea, how could I have been so stupid?” I lean my head back on the seat and close my eyes to keep the tears from falling.
“Noelle, you cannot blame yourself. He was a master manipulator, and sadly, he knew all the right things to say and do to ultimately make you doubt yourself. About everything. Am I right?” She squeezes my hand.
I look at her. “Yeah, it was definitely a gradual process, looking back. He would say things about my friends and how he didn’t like certain people?—”
She interrupts, “Let me guess. I was one of those people?”
I feel awkward answering, so I just nod, my face scrunching. “I’m sorry. It wasn’t just you though. He really hated Casey, as you can imagine. Trey just couldn’t understand how and why we were so close. A few months after we started dating, we got into a big fight because he thought Casey was trying to break us up.”
“Was he?” She smirks.
“No. I mean, I knew Casey didn’t like Trey, but he never did anything to try to break us up.” I let go of her hand and take a drink of my coffee.
“Listen, he never deserved you. Casey absolutely does. He’s one of the good ones for sure. And you don’t have to give me details, but is he as good in bed as I think he would be?” She wiggles her brows.
I can’t help but laugh. “My experience is limited, but, yeah … it’s been amazing. Mostly because he’s let me try things and not be embarrassed about it. But I think the best thing is how generous he is, if you know what I mean.” I can feel my face flush.
“I’m not sure that I do. Tell me more.” She cracks up, which also makes me laugh. “I’m kidding, but also not. Tell me all the things you feel comfortable sharing.”
“Well, up until a few nights ago, we had just been doing oral.” Again, my face feels like it’s on fire with embarrassment that I’m saying any of this out loud in front of the nail technicians. “But we finally had sex the other night, and I swear I felt like I left my body.” We both laugh. “With everything we had done leading up to that being incredible, I didn’t doubt that it would be good, and I was getting pretty impatient, but, good Lord, he knows what to do.”
“I’m so happy for you, truly. You’re, like, having your sexual awakening! It’s so exciting!” She claps her hands, and people look at us. “Sorry!” She grimaces.
“Okay, but seriously, what should I do? We said I love you, but we also always say that—like, not daily—so how do I know if it’s anI love ya, palor anI love you madly and deeply?”
“Did you say it during or after sex?”
“Yes, we both said it right after, but then when I left the next day, nothing. But I think maybe he wanted to?” I shrug.
“So, I think when it comes to Casey, you can’t let any of the physical get in the way of how you normally communicate. You tell him everything, so don’t be afraid to talk to him about this. I understand how you feel about not trusting yourself, but Casey is a constant for you and has never hurt you or made you feel bad about yourself. He’s your number one cheerleader. Trust that and be honest with him about your feelings. Just tell him. Tell him you don’t want this to be fake anymore. I guarantee you it will work out. And probably lead to some insanely good orgasms.” She laughs.
“You’re right. I need to trust my gut and just talk to him. I’m just scared it will ruin our friendship if it doesn’t work out orif he doesn’t feel the same.” My phone chimes with a text from Casey.
Casey: Hey, pretty girl. Getting manis and pedis without me?
Yes, Casey has come with me on occasion. He loves pedicures, and I absolutely love that he does.
Noelle: Sorry! Chelsea and I both had a day off, so we got coffee and then came here.
“Is that him?” she asks.
“Yeah, it is.” I’m sure I have a dopey smile on my face.
Casey: Text me when you’re done or just come over. Or I can come to yours, if you want. Either way, I really want to see you. I’ve missed you today.
I heart the message, then tell him I’ll text him when we’re done. I know Chelsea is right. I just need to bite the bullet and spill it all. And then I need to trust that everything will be okay. That I won’t lose my best friend.
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