Bennan looked a hilarious mix of chagrined and kind of glad, and Chamis couldn’t help but let out a small crack of laughter.
“He wasn’t… a particularly nice man,” Chamis admitted. “He drank too much after my mother died, or at least that was his excuse. But he married my stepmother very quickly and certainly didn’t act as though he missed my mother very much. It never got physical, but I was already quite big by then. By the time I was fourteen, I was taller and broader than he was. He tried to give Halna a hard time when she picked her beads, but Mother, Dorana, and I made sure to support her, and he finally stopped talking about a ‘tough boy’ who would be worthy of him.”
Bennan rolled his eyes. “What an ass.”
Chamis couldn’t help but snort, even though he could still vividly recall the churning in his stomach whenever his father had been drunk and mean. He’d liked to mock Chamis, but as much as Chamis had hated the confrontation, he’d been willing to do it to protect his siblings. And his stepmother had been better at handling the man than Chamis’s mother had been.
“Anyway,” Chamis said, “he died when I was twenty, like I said. And my stepmother insisted that I pursue my dreams. Even though it would have been helpful to stay and assist her, she wouldn’t hear of it. She teaches at the local school.”
“She sounds nice,” Bennan said.
Chamis smiled. “She’s the best. Always treated me well, even though I’m not really her son. Lets me call her Mum and everything.”
“Sheisyour mother,” Bennan agreed. “Ties don’t have to be by blood.”
Chamis nodded, because he supposed that was true; he’d just never thought of it quite like that.
“Part of me thought I really should stay, and I do miss my family, but even then, I felt sure I needed to do this.”
Without hesitation, Bennan told him, “You’re exactly the way you’re supposed to be.”
Chamis smiled at him, touched. He might sometimes wish he was different, and he’d heard the wish often enough from others. He didn’t think he’d ever had someone so supportive of him just as he was.
“Thank you. The Captain seemed to see something in me, and I do tend to have a somewhat intimidating presence thanks to my size. When I know exactly what I’m supposed to do, it’s easier. I mean, I’m more comfortable. And it’s actually worked out, so far.” Swallowing, he took a deep breath and added, “I’ve met some amazing people and can’t ever regret coming here.”
Bennan smiled at him again, that particular smile that seemed different from the one he flashed at everyone. Every moment they spent time together like this was drowning out the voice in the back of Chamis’s head that always told him he wasn’t worth the effort. He was big and shy, and he wasn’t particularly funny or lively. He certainly didn’t grab attention the way Bennan or Perian did, and he just… wasn’t that interesting?
But the way Bennan looked at him, the way he responded to Chamis’s tiny overtures… That filled him with hope. He was sitting at the table in a little restaurant with the other man, eating a meal where every green vegetable had been removed from his plate because Bennan had cared enough to make the request. The other man was still smiling at him as though he was the lucky one to be here.
The food was really good, too. It was simple, but it was hot and plentiful, and Chamis vastly preferred it to anything that was overly complicated and fussy and probably not enough to fill his stomach.
They settled into the meal, and Bennan didn’t say much, actually giving them the chance to eat, which Chamis appreciated. He wasn’t sure how Bennan had figured out so much about him, but he was grateful.
When they finished, Bennan pushing his plate away with a groan and patting his stomach. Chamis forgot all about the food for a moment, even though Bennan was patting his tunic and there wasn’t actually much to see. Chamis shoveled the last few bites of food into his mouth, then pushed his own plate away.
“Good?” Bennan asked.
Chamis nodded. “Really good. Thank you.”
“Still have room in that stomach of yours?”
“Uh—”
The server came back, and Bennan grinned at her and told her they’d have dessert but only one because he was full.
“Oh, you don’t need to—” Chamis started.
Bennan winked at the server. “And two spoons, please.”
She nodded, her lip curling up with something that looked like amusement, and Chamis felt his ears go red. There wasn’t the slightest hint of judgment on her face, but he knew that she now assumed they were heretogether. Chamis wasn’t totally sure how he felt about that. Was it the fact that he wasn’t certain whether they were or not?
Before he had the chance to get too worked up overthinking this, the woman was back and set down a plate between them, laying two spoons next to the bowl, just like Bennan had asked. Chamis had no idea what it was, but it looked like broken up pieces of cake that had been covered—drenched, really—in some sort of sauce with cream ladled on top.
“Enjoy,” the server said, and then she left, thank goodness, because Chamis could still feel the heat in his ears.
Bennan nudged one of the spoons towards him. “Go on, give it a try.”
Chamis picked up the spoon, clutched it in his hand, drew a deep breath, and let it out slowly.
