Page 191 of Mexico Can Choke On It
Miss Von Cashmere II releases an indignant little bark, her tiny diamond collar catching the light.
“Just joking, Your Highness,” I tease. “And no worries. I’m sure my daughter will blow chunks on hers and be changed out by dinner.”
Ruby gurgles and kicks her leg out, ruffles bouncing. Miss Muffy gives her a once-over and—swear to God—nods. Just once. Like the queen acknowledging her smallest subject.
“Might I hold the little princess?” Nigel asks.
Ruby lands in the stone-faced butler’s arms, and he instantly melts into mush.
“Oh, aren’t you an angel sent from heaven!” he coos in the most ridiculous baby voice imaginable. “You’re going to come visit Uncle Nigel at the big beautiful castle, aren’t you? And then Miss Muffy will teach you how to have proper tea parties.”
“I’ll bring her after she’s mobile enough to destroy your priceless antiques,” I promise.
Sebastian Bellini appears out of nowhere, one hand pressed to his chest in mock horror.
“I know what you’re gonna say,” I cut him off. “They’re matching, and it’s a travesty.”
“Ruby was supposed to be in the cerulean blue to complement those devastating eyes,” he says indignantly, “not this ghastly lavender! This fashion crime will get her banned from babybrunch.”
“Sebastian, she’s three months old. Her biggest crime today was a blowout in the car seat.”
He waves me off like the drama queen he is. “Bring her by next week. ThenewBaby Dior collection needs to be on that cherub’s face immediately. And I swear to Donatella, if you put her in something from Target again—”
“You will personally burn my entire wardrobe?” I offer sweetly.
“Exactly.”
Hana squeals, “OH MY GOSH! I missed you so much!”
I’m about to return the sentiment when I realize she’s talking to Ruby, not me.
“Hello to you too, Hana,” I laugh.
She launches into baby talk, pulling out an adorable stuffed elephant from her purse. “I brought presents from Africa! The food there was incredible. I tried mopane worms. Crunchy. Earthy. Slightly nutty. You’d love them!”
“I’d rather eat my diploma. So, are you staying in L.A. long?” I ask.
“Not a chance! I’m a woman of the world now, and I’m just getting started,” she says. “I’ve decided not to wait for love to find me—I’m going out to hunt it down. Who knows where my Mr. Right is hiding. London? Paris? Brazil? Greenland? I’ll check ’em all off my list until I find him.”
“Sooo… since you broke off the engagement, have things gotten any better with your parents?”
“They’re still livid, and they’re already plotting another arranged marriage. But I’m standing my ground. It’s true love or nothing.”
My phone buzzes at my hip, and just seeing the notification makes me smile.
GROUP CHAT : CPK FOREVER
Katie:Eating pizza in your honor! Sorry Matteo and I couldn’t get off work. Summer tours = chaos.
Me:No worries. Bryce told me he’s gonna bring us to you.
Cam: WHERE is our niece?? I require my daily dose of cheeks.
I pivot, strike a pose with Ruby—her tiny fist gripping my necklace, drool artfully decorating her chin—and snap a selfie. Sent.
Cam:¡Dios mío! Are her eyes even bluer than last week?
Katie:Stop making me jealous! Auntie Katie is stuck in Italy while you get all the baby snuggles.
