Page 138 of Nodus Tollens
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The ride to the hospital was filled with deafening silence. No words were exchanged, but our thoughts were loud. And once we arrived, I couldn’t get out of the vehicle fast enough. I ran to the doors, risking my heart for injury, but I didn’t care. All I cared about was getting to Hayes.
The Emergency Room was bustling with sick and injured people, but I found myself storming toward the front desk, where a few nurses were hanging out and talking.
“Excuse me.” I leaned my elbows onto the counter, extending myself to get their attention. They all turned their heads and focused on me. “My boyfriend, Hayes Decker, was brought in here not too long ago, and I need to know what’s going on.”
They all look at one another, then search through some papers as impatience begins to settle over me. My fingers bounce anxiously as the sounds of coughing and words over the intercom unease me.
I hated hospitals.
I hated the energy, and nothing was worse than knowing your loved one was stuck in this misery.
I then feel Mal come up beside me.
“Have you heard anything yet?”
“Ma’am.” One of the nurses called. The older brunette walks around the counter and motions us to the side, away from everyone.
“He was rushed to emergency surgery, and right now, there’s no new update, but once there is, we will let you know. “
Emergency surgery.
Two words I thought I’d never hear.
“Emergency surgery for what?” Mal’s tone switched to hostile.
I couldn’t breathe, let alone ask any more questions.
“Sir, I don’t have all the details right now, but I assure you once we know more, we will inform you. All we know is that his vehicle was in a head-on collision with an intoxicated driver, and both passengers are in critical condition.”
If hearts were able to physically break or crumble into pieces, mine just did. A million tiny little pieces were scattered onto the floor of the hospital as my stomach clenched painfully. My gut twisted and turned as a wave of nauseousness spread throughout me.
I then ran. Straight for the bathroom door, I heaved into my hand as I quickly locked it behind me and unloaded my suffering and pain into the toilet. Nothing came out as I tried to purge the hurt.
The disbelief.
Pounding on the door rung out over my heaving.
“Wren!” Mal demanded. “Jesus, Wren, open the door.”
I couldn’t.
I couldn’t face him. Not like this. Not when everything felt like it was falling apart without the hope of ever getting better.
“Please, Doe, let me in.” His tone was now desperate as his pounding stopped. “You can’t face this alone. I won’t let you.”
Arms over the toilet bowl, my dry heaves finally seized, but my tears were endless. Even if I wanted to stop, I couldn’t. There was too much pain and sorrow to be felt for me to stop.
In the back of my head, I could hear Hayes’ voice. His kind, loving voice was trying to get to me. Trying to soothe me.
It’s okay, Blue. I’m here, and I need you.
Even when he wasn’t around, I could hear my nickname being called. If I ever made it to eighty, when I’m old and gray, he’d still be calling me Blue.
His Blue.
Be strong for me.
