Page 139 of Nodus Tollens
God, I’m trying. I’m trying so hard to be strong for you, Hayes.
Mal needs you, too. You need each other right now.
Even in my thoughts, he was thinking of others before himself.
Maybe I was going crazy. Maybe it was all an illusion, but I chose to believe it. I chose to believe that he was speaking to me because he knew I was breaking. He knew I needed to hear him.
Then, pushing myself away from the toilet, I went to stand. I then scrubbed my hands clean in the sink and stared at my reflection. A face I hardly recognized stared back at me. A girl who was finally feeling the effects of happiness and now rapidly had it stripped away. The uncertainty of what emotion I should be feeling was written in my gaze, but then I heard his voice again.
Wipe away those tears, pretty girl. I’m here.
A sob broke through, but I wiped it away with the sleeves of my shirt. More knocks on the door caused my whole body to stiffen because I knew it was Mal. I knew he wasn’t going anywhere.
“Doe, I need you to come out… I can’t do this… I…” His voice broke, and I immediately found myself rushing to open the door. And once I did, I was pulled into his embrace as if he needed me to breathe. As if he couldn’t handle this without me.
“Sh…., I’m here.” I whispered as I tightened my arms around his middle and rested my cheek against his pounding chest. He was breathing me in, using me as his source of oxygen and comfort.
“Don’t do that again, please.” He begged as my heart cracked at his confession.
He did need me.
Because I wasn’t the only one whose world was falling apart.
Mal’s was, too.
31
WREN
An hour passed, and there was still no update.
Nothing but growing fear and uncertainty as both Mal and I waited with our fingers interlocked. A reassuring hold on reality so we wouldn’t catapult into destruction. The emergency was buzzing tonight as people filtered in and out. Every time I heard the automatic doors open, my heart sank, thinking that it was Shelia and Greg. I think Mal became aware, too, because every time they opened, his grip on my hand would tighten.
I don’t think either one of us was prepared for them to walk through those doors. I wasn’t ready for the tears of a mother and the fear of a father. There was nothing more heartbreaking than witnessing a parent’s anguish.
My eyes were sore from crying, and it seemed no more tears would fall, as if my tear ducts had dried up. As if I had cried all my tears out. Now, all I found were moments where my breathing would become too labored, and Mal would have to calm me down. With an arm around me, as I buried my face into his chest, he’d whisper words of comfort.
Breathe, Wren. It’s okay.
Then, like magic, my rapid breathing would ease back to normal.
Somehow, we found peace in the chaos around us. Our minds were too numb to overanalyze it, so instead, we let everything around us be a distraction from actuality.
“Hayes hates hospitals.” Mal grumbled beside me, cutting through our hour of quietness with a random statement. “He fell off his bike one day when we were kids and got a nasty cut on his knee.”
Staring at his profile, I could sense his struggle to get the words out.
“He begged not to go to the hospital, but his cut was deep as hell, and we all knew he needed stitches. Cried like a baby the whole way there.” He chuckled, but then, as if he suddenly remembered why we were here, he stopped. “He complained the whole time he was here and refused to go back to a hospital.”
I couldn’t muster the energy to smile, so instead, I squeezed his hand.
“You think he knows he’s here?” With his distant eyes focused onward, he sagged back into the chair with a sigh.
“I… I don’t know. I just hope he’s not suffering.” The painful words singed my throat as they came out. My stare refocused on a stain on the ground, a brown smudge that looked to have been scrubbed hard, but remnants of it were still left behind.
The sound of shoes approaching caught my attention, and when my head lifted, I saw a nurse. She appeared to be coming straight toward us, and even Mal had noticed her as he tensed. My heart came to rest like it wouldn’t beat again until it knew Hayes was okay. With a tight reassuring squeeze, Mal gave me the confidence I needed.
The strength for what we were about to be told.
