Page 2 of Nodus Tollens
“Shit…We’ll move to…Florida.” He randomly names off a state we’ve never been to, and I chuckle.
“Yeah? And what are we going to do in Florida?” I ask while shoving a hand behind my head and imagine sandy beaches and thong clad asses walking around. At the moment, it doesn’t sound half bad.
“Whatever we want. Start our own business. Work as lifeguards. Literally anything.” He added. “If it comes down to it, we’ll figure it out. But I don’t want to think about that right now. There’s still time. There are still games to be played, teams that need to be fucking obliterated on the ice and who’s going to be out there giving them hell? You are.” His voice seemed heavier and clearer. Defiant even, as if he’s trying to make a point. “I want this for us, but more importantly, I want this for you. I wouldn’t be half the player I am if you weren’t out there with me. So, when you ask yourself if you deserve it? If you deserve just a fraction of the attention I’m getting from schools, I’d say you earned it a shit ton more than I have.”
A rush of emotion flooded me, but I couldn’t grab onto just one. To this day, I still don’t understand why Hayes chose me as his best friend. Out of everyone. Out of all the guys that related to him more than I did or were more social, he still decided to pick the monster-sized, scraggly haired kid who came from nothing. It didn’t make sense, and it still didn’t. He continually pushed me and, no matter the circumstances, always stayed by my side. But how long could I let that go on for? I couldn’t let him pass up his dream for me. No way in hell.
“I’ll make a deal with you.” I announce, twisting my head to the side until I can see the faint outline of this body.
Half groaning, half sighing, he falls back onto his bed. “What’s the deal?” He doesn’t sound pleased, but there’s also a hint of curiosity in his tone.
“There’s what? A month left in the season, right?”
“Yeah, a little over a month left.” Hayes answers.
“Alright, well, if I don’t get anything by then, you’ll pick the best fucking school that has sent you an offer, and I want you to go. Without me.” Before I even finish, I already know what’s about to fly out of his mouth.
“Fuck…”
“I don’t want to fucking hear how you won’t go without me because that’s the dumbest excuse I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth. This isn’t just my dream, it’s yours, too, and if you think I’ll let you move to Florida to be a lifeguard, you’re crazy.” I threw back some of the words he told me earlier and continued. “At least one of us has to experience what it’s like, and if that means I have to watch from the stands, I’m okay with that. But I swear to God, if you don’t at least make it to the Frozen Four, I’m going to tell them they gave that scholarship to the wrong fuckin’ player.”
I could already tell he didn’t like what he was hearing just by the quiet scoffs and grunts emitting from him, but to my surprise, he didn’t immediately retort back. Instead, he was silent as if processing my words and slowly understanding that I’m actually making some sense.
“That’s a pretty shitty deal…” He grumbled.
“No, it’s a smart one.” I respond with a sudden burst of anger I wasn’t expecting, but hell. Come on, Hayes, think for a fucking minute. Only a fool would turn away from their lifelong dream, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to let Hayes be a fool. “I need you to do this for me, Hayes. If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for me. Just…please, don’t be an idiot about this.”
We rarely argued. On occasion, we fought over stupid shit, but this was different. We both had different opinions, wanted different outcomes, but only one of us would be right. Hayes was a stubborn bastard, but so was I, and I knew that even if he took the deal, he wouldn’t mean it deep down. He’d go with it just to appease me, but the Hayes I knew would go to the ends of the earth for our friendship. For example, he’d accept a scholarship, then a week later, he’d end up dropping out because he felt guilty for going.
That’s Hayes, though. Always thinking of others and never of himself.
“What about you?” His voice lowered to the point I almost didn’t hear him.
Sighing, I tilt my head back slightly and stretch out my neck. There was a sadness in his tone I didn’t like. I wasn’t good with emotions. In all honesty, it made my stomach twist into knots at the idea of crying or watching someone cry. I never knew how to react or respond, and right now, as much as I wanted to comfort Hayes with words, I couldn’t.
I didn’t know how.
“You know me. I’ll make something happen.” I tried to reassure him, but there was a soft stammer on the deliverance that had me questioning myself. Luckily Hayes didn’t notice, but that didn’t stop the sinking feeling in my chest from smothering me.
Would I be able to survive on my own?
I wanted to believe I could. I wanted Hayes to believe I could, but deep down, I was worried. I didn’t want anyone to think otherwise, and maybe that’s why I came off as standoffish and invincible. Appearing capable and being capable were two completely different things, and I was afraid I wasn’t capable.
“You know we’ll always be here? Right? If things go in our favor or not… We’ll always be here to help you.” Hayes mentioned we, meaning his family, and I instantly felt a rush of relief. Not that I was going to use their help, but knowing I was more than just their son’s friend made me feel content.
“I know.” I mumbled while trying to alleviate the tightening in my throat, but the firmness only worsened.
Fuck, don’t cry.
It’s funny how others, who aren’t even related to you, can be more of a family member than your actual blood.
“Enough of this sad shit. You got my head racing like a motherfucker now with ideas on how to get us both scholarships.”
I can’t help but laugh, and soon we’re both chuckling together. A cloud of tenseness and uncertainty was hovering in the air, but using our laughter, we tore that fucker down until it fizzled out. We wouldn’t let confusion or irritation mess with our friendship. We swore we wouldn’t let anything come in between what we had, whether it be hockey, girls, or life. Nothing could penetrate the sturdy walls we took years to build.
“You somehow manage to get me in, I’ll tattoo your number on my fucking ass.” I let him know, and he’s howling already. That’s just how much faith I have in getting into a school.
Not fucking much.
