Page 31 of Nodus Tollens
The news struck me to the core. He’s a hockey player? What? I mean, how? Wasn’t he supposed to be at the rally, yet he was here … delivering my phone? My face must have cued Kate into how confused I was because she slowly leaned forward and placed her palms on each of my shoulders.
“Wren, my sweet, naïve, little wren. You let a hot as fuck hockey player into our room last night, and you didn’t even know it.” She gazed into my eyes in amusement.
“I didn’t. I mean, it wasn’t part of the plan to have him in my room. There were people in the hallway, and I panicked, so I pulled him inside by his shirt.” I chewed roughly onto the side of my cheek as the realization of him being a hockey player slowly sank in.
Jesus, I manhandled a goddamn hockey player into my room.
A hockey player has seen my boobs. Hell, he saw everything!
Oh my god, I wanted to puke. Why couldn’t he have just been a nobody like me?
“You did not…” She widened her mouth again. “Oh my fuck, Wren, what was his reaction? What did he say? What did he do?” She fired off quickly, causing my brain to go haywire.
“It was nothing bad, I guess. I mean, it was apparent he liked me enough because he asked me to be friends.” I dropped my shoulders and acted cool, even though Kate was anything but as she gaped at me.
“You’re telling me that Hayes Decker let you manhandle him into our room and asked to be your friend?” She asked as if she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. I didn’t blame her, though. Part of me still didn’t believe he had tried as hard as he did. Now that I thought of it, why did he appear so desperate to get me to agree? I’m sure a man with his status around Sutton U had more friends than he could count. Especially of the female kind.
“Yeah, but it didn’t mean anything. Him asking to be my friend. I’m sure if he saw your tits, he’d ask the same thing of you.” I tried to brush off what happened and act like it could have been anyone, but in reality, I knew there had been a deeper connection formed between us last night. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, his stare was too intense, and his smile was too big for him to just want something as simple as a fuck.
I couldn’t understand it, and I’m not sure if I wanted to, but a sensation like that deserved a word of its own.
“Debatable.” She denied it and went back to smirking playfully. “So, then, what did you say to him?”
A short laugh escaped from the confines of my mouth. “Obviously, no. You know I don’t get involved with guys.”
Her head dropped back on a pronounced groan, and I instantly knew she would be disappointed.
“I feel like I need to smack you.” She removed her hands from my shoulders and pulled herself back until she was resting her ass on the side of my bed, with her feet dangling off. “Seriously, Wren, if I hear that you can’t be with a man one more time, I will literally go crazy.”
Turning away, I had a feeling she wouldn’t understand. To her, it may have been a simple yes, but for someone like me, nothing was ever simple. And she knew that. She knew my life choices weren’t exactly ideal, but it was the safest option for everyone involved. I could see it from her perspective as well, though, because I knew she just wanted me happy and for me to experience the beauty in life. I desperately wanted to be strong enough to believe I could, but in the end, love wasn’t a game that I was prepared to lose.
“Imagine not knowing what it feels like to love or be loved one day.” Her voice softened. “Imagine a life where you just exist instead of taking risks and submersing yourself into life’s greatest pleasures.” I force my teary eyes to look away until a sharp intake of air shifts my stare back onto hers. “Imagine a life where you hide behind baggy clothes and a grumpy façade because you’re too afraid to love.”
Fuck.
I hated that she was spot on. I hated that every day was as hopeless as the next and that there was no cure or fix in sight. Life was fucking cruel, and the decisions you had to make were even more so.
My throat hardened painfully as I watched my best friend’s eyes glisten with tears.
“You deserve the world, Wren. Even if you don’t think you can have it, you can.” Her hand reached out and latched itself onto mine. “I promise you, if you just let yourself be open to new things and finally let yourself live, this short journey on earth that we all have will be a hell of a lot more memorable.”
I honestly didn’t know how to respond to any of what she had said. My mind was already muddled, and dealing with heavy emotions like these wasn’t something I was good at. You’d think, over time, I’d grow accustomed to it, but instead, I grew numb.
“So, Hayes Decker, huh?” Kate shifted the conversation to something lighter and began to bounce up and down on my bed. “You lucky bitch…” She muttered, but I felt anything but lucky.
“Close your eyes.” I chuckled. “I’ve spent enough time naked and need to put some actual clothes on.”
Her lids lowered, and I swiftly peeled back the blanket and hopped off the bed. Glancing down at my feet, I found the clothes I pulled out last night lying in a pile beside my bed. Bending down, I snagged them up and began dressing.
“So enough about me and what I did. What the hell happened with you last night?” I asked, and silence greeted me.
“Nothing exciting like you, that’s for sure.” She mumbled, and once I was fully dressed, I grabbed my hairbrush off my desk and handed it to Kate. Crouching down low, I sat on the floor between her spread legs and let her work her magic on my head.
“What do you mean?” I tilted back my head, and when the bristles of the brush finally touched my scalp, I moaned.
“Well, I didn’t meet my hockey god. Instead, I found him playing tonsil hockey with a puck bunny behind the stage.” Her icy tone sent a chill down my spine, but there was also hurt evident in the way she exhaled deeply. “I mean, he was obviously drunker than a skunk, but I almost went over there and slapped it out of him because I was so pissed.”
Chuckling, I let my eyes close as she maneuvered the brush thoroughly through the tangles in my hair. From the top of my head to the ends of my hair, she made sure to use soft, gentle strokes that made me sigh in relaxation. “So, if nothing happened with him, why’d you stay out all night?”
