Page 35 of Nodus Tollens
I had to get him out of my head once and for all.
Even if it hurt me.
9
HAYES
“Come on, boys! I know you can play a lot fucking better than this shit show I’m watching!” Coach Banks shouted as I glided to a sudden halt on the ice. My head wasn’t in it today. Hell, my head hadn’t been it for a while now, but I managed to somehow stay focused as long as I could. Maybe it was my irritableness that had me playing like shit for the past hour, but at least I wasn’t having my ass reamed by the coach yet. I escaped from his monitoring eyes the best I could, but a few of the guys started to catch onto my lifelessness on the rink. Cruz skated towards me with his eyebrows smashed together and shoulder-bumped me.
“What the fuck’s going on with you?” He seethed through his mouth guard. “Get your fuckin’ head in the game, Decker.”
Before coasting away, he gave me a firm smack to the back of the helmet with his glove and found another teammate to berate. Then out of nowhere a whistle was blown and everyone came to a sudden stop. On a sigh, I drifted my skates across the ice, causing it spray out from beneath my feet and halted.
“Alright, I’m tired of watching this.” Coach shouted in defeat as he smacked a palm onto the glass. Tearing the cap off his head, he threw it across the ice. It was obvious to assume he was aggravated. I think everyone was, but all I could think of was getting out of here. I wasn’t in the right headspace to be playing. I haven’t been for a while but that didn’t stop disappointment from crashing through me. “Break up into a group of two and practice your low game.” He then pointed at Hudson, another center who was standing beside the goal. “Your puck handling needs work. And you.” He finally pointed his finger in my direction. His face filled with displeasure. “What the hell’s goin’ on Decker? Thought you might be havin’ a bad day but realized you’ve been playing like a bag of dog shit all week. What’s going on with you?”
Fuck… Was he really going to call me out in front of the whole team like that?
Almost instantly, my mood had gone sour. Skin damp and hot from skating circles around this rink, I was thankful no one noticed my burning red face with the helmet I had on. Jaw clenched; I tightened my hand around the stick until it became painful.
“Bad day coach.” I responded. My answer was short and to the point, but I could sense Coach Bank’s need to ask more questions. Eyebrows lowered and hand on his hip, he motioned for me to go to him.
Shit.
On a sigh, I kicked off my foot and skated off towards where he stood. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me too. Probably because they’ve never seen me called out by coach and were curious to see what was going to happen. As I passed by Mal, I saw the seriousness in his stare as he asked me with his eyes what was wrong, but I just shook my head in response.
“Alright, that’s enough standing around boys.” Coach yelled over my shoulder and soon the sound of hissing filled the rink. Once I was at the bench, he motioned for me to sit.
“You gonna tell me what’s goin’ on with you?”
I ripped both gloves off and reached for my helmet so my head could finally breathe. Then running a palm through my damp locks, I let my shoulders slouch from the severity of all the emotions that were flooding me. I couldn’t just straight admit my true feelings to him, especially to the man who’s been more of a friend than a coach. Yeah, there were other things going on that contributed to my shitty mood, but just being here made it a million times worse. Playing a sport that I was losing interest in and having to pretend it was my life was fucking exhausting. Infuriating even, but I had to pull through. I had to keep my head held high no matter what.
“Just life…” I leaned forward placing my elbows onto my knees. “Shit with my dad, this girl…it’s not a big deal. I’ll be alright.” My head tilted down as I stared down at my feet before peering off into the rink.
Coach stared into the side of my head and took a few minutes to respond.
“I know it’s tough Hayes and I don’t expect you to be a hundred percent all the time. I know you have other shit going on in your life that’s more important than hockey, and I don’t blame you for not having your head in the game.”
I side eyed him and caught a look of remorse as he shifted his stare towards the other players.
“Don’t be afraid to tell me if you need a break because I’ll understand. Family trumps hockey. Always.”
My heart swelled for a moment. Coach wasn’t usually an emotional or personably guy. Don’t get me wrong, he made us laugh and smile, but he was strict as fuck. He was a straight to the point kind of guy but that’s what made him a good coach.
“Thanks.” I nodded in relief. To say I wasn’t expecting for him to rip me a new one for playing like crap was understatement. Instead, he understood.
“Of course.”
He gave me a curt nod then went back to shouting at the guys and whistling. I remained on the bench, just watching for a while until I was ready to head back out there. And when I finally did, I came back with a better vibe and a need to let loose.
* * *
Once practice was over, I ran straight for the showers. I took the quickest shower ever and rushed to my locker to get dressed.
“Why is there a giant blue octopus in your locker?” Hendricks chuckled from behind me, causing me to stiffen. Hurriedly reaching for my clean shirt, I slammed my locker closed and started dressing.
“None of your fucking business.” I grumbled under my breath as he continued to laugh at my sudden evasion. I was edgy as fuck today. After a grueling day of practice, I had zero desire to entertain anyone, especially when my mood was crap. My body was sore, but that was nothing compared to the pain I was experiencing on the inside. Everything ached, including my heart. I yearned for a certain girl who wanted nothing to do with me. I felt like a goddamn idiot, more so now, after being caught with a stupid stuffed animal in my locker that was meant for a girl who would probably throw it in the garbage when she found it.
“Please tell me that’s not for a chick.” Hendricks snorted in disbelief, causing a couple of the guys beside me, who were getting dressed at their lockers, to turn their heads and focus on Hendricks and I’s exchange.
