Page 41 of Nodus Tollens
Unknown: My best friend. He likes to fuck with me, too.
He. Mal was a guy. I hated to admit it, but I was instantly relieved by the revelation.
Unknown: Wasn’t sure what size jersey to get you, so I grabbed a medium. Hopefully, it’ll fit.
My brows scrunched together at his attempt to continue our conversation. As much as I knew I shouldn’t respond, I did it anyway.
Me: You shouldn’t have gotten me one at all… but yes, a medium works.
Unknown: Can’t have you one day goin’ to one of our games and not wear one, Blue.
So arrogant.
Me: Sorry to burst your bubble, hockey player, but I have no intentions of ever going to one of your games.
Unknown: Figured you’d say that, Blue. But don’t worry, I’ll change your mind.
Me: How so?
Seconds passed, and I was afraid he was done responding until a message finally popped up.
Unknown: You come to my game next Friday, hang out for a bit, and if you still aren’t interested, I’ll respect your wishes and leave you alone.
My heart sank. He would finally leave me alone… but that’s what I wanted, right? I wanted the blue gifts to stop, along with the sweet notes and relentless effort at getting me to change my mind. I wanted it all to stop, but… did I really want it to stop? If it was what I wanted, then why did the idea of him giving up on me make my stomach churn violently? Kate must have noticed the sudden change in me because she nudged me with her toe.
“You okay?”
My throat was clogged with words as another text came through.
Unknown: I’m not usually this fucking desperate, but right now, I really don’t care how it makes me look. I want you there. In the stands, with my number and name on your back. I want to be able to look up in the stands and see your beautiful face looking right at me. You’re all I can think about, Blue, and I swear, I fucking swear to you that you won’t regret this. Just…give this a chance. Give me a chance.
Was it possible for both your heart and lungs to give out simultaneously? I think both of my organs just did. This was his first time confessing that he wanted to be more than friends, and he really did it with a bang. My mouth even dropped from the weight of his words.
You need to go to that game, Wren.
My head told me as a war of emotions took over. How could someone I barely knew already have such a powerful hold over me? It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that he affected me so much when every part of me knew it was wrong. He was making me feel things. Things I avoided for a reason. My walls were impenetrable, built strong, and sturdy. They were meant to hold everyone from getting inside, or so I thought. Piece by piece, Hayes Decker was slowly tearing down that wall, and I feared one day he’d shatter it completely.
“Wren, what’s wrong?” Kate asked worriedly.
I couldn’t tear my eyes off the message. Reading it over and over, I found myself falling hopelessly for the sweet, tenacious hockey player.
God help me.
“Nothing.” I mumbled and quickly locked my phone. I was too afraid to respond. Too terrified that I might actually agree to go to his game and risk falling for him further than I already had. If given the chance, he’d, without a doubt, sweep me off my feet and force me to face the realities of life I wasn’t prepared to handle.
With him, my heart wouldn’t be
my greatest fear.
It would be his love.
11
MAL
“Food is food.”
A wonderful, poetic saying my mom used to say to me as a child whenever I’d complain about what meal she had prepared for us. Now, let me tell you, not just any kind of food was food, and I learned that early on when I started to stay over at Hayes’s house. Compared to my mother, everything Hayes’s mom cooked would be a five-star meal. Every night she prepared a hot, delicious meal for her family, and whenever I was there, I had a chance to indulge in that. To give you an example, a delicacy at our home was a PB&J sandwich on expired bread. That was the fuckin’ extent of her cooking abilities. That’s why I prepared every meal like it was my last now. I promised myself I would no longer subject my tongue to anything less than flavorful. I loved my meats, preferably smoked. At least once or twice a week, I’d make something for Hayes and me. Today, I had a brisket cooking. A favorite of ours for after our game tonight. After sweating our asses off and workin’ up an appetite, I loved coming home to something easy to eat.
