Page 82 of Nodus Tollens
What? Why was she asking that?
“More than anyone else I know.” I affirmed, with no hesitation, so there wouldn’t be any cause for her to question me. Though I wasn’t eye-to-eye with her, I could feel her stare studying me fiercely. Searching for a fault or a fabrication in my words, but when she didn’t find anything, she relaxed her shoulders.
“And he feels the same for you.”
It wasn’t something I hadn’t already known, but the confirmation of it made my chest soar. Knowing he cared about me just as much as I did was enough for me to let Doe go. He deserved her, and who was I to get in the way of something that I would never be able to provide. As much as it burned a gaping hole through my heart, it was time for me to be the good guy.
Just this once, anyway.
“And that’s about as far as our similarities go.” I added. “Hayes cares about everyone he loves, and he’d do anything and everything for them. That’s one of his downfalls, he cares a too fucking much, and I’m afraid one day it’ll fuckin’ burn him.” I set my bottle down on the ugly checkered bar top and prepare myself for the backlash I’m about to receive, but it needs to be said. “He’s the best guy I know, Doe. Better than me, better than any other fucker in this bar, and he deserves everything and more in this life. I see the way he looks at you. I see it in his eyes that he’s so fuckin’ gone for you, and I need you to promise me somethin’.”
I turned in my chair, our knees brushing in the lightest of touches, but it felt like the most intense feeling in the world. Her innocent gaze peered up into mine, and when I caught her stunning irises, my entire world crumbled to the dirty floor of the bar. Up close, without Hayes hovering over her shoulder, I was able to take her beauty in without restriction. Without caution or fear that Hayes might catch me staring for longer than I should. Her face was small, heart-shaped, with a slight dimple in her chin that was only visible when she smiled. Freckles upon freckles dotted her slim cheeks and upturned nose. And her mouth… Fuck, I couldn’t even focus on her lips without imagining her as mine. My chest ached as a torrent of conflict assaulted my thoughts. Back and forth I went, a never-ending cycle of clashing with what was right and wrong every time my stare latched onto hers. The only solid solution was to avoid her as much as possible. It was the safest one by far. For Hayes and Doe, it was safe, but for me, it would be an agonizing torture that I only wished would fade.
With my eyes now lingering a lot longer than what would be considered friendly, I cleared my inflamed throat and refocused.
“Don’t break his heart.” I pleaded, but it came off more like a warning. Where any other girl would tell me to ‘fuck off’, Doe just stared. She didn’t even look fazed or offended. Instead, her eyes softened in understanding. “That’s the only thing I need you to promise me, Doe. The last thing he needs is for someone to leave him, and I can already tell if he lost you, I’d lose my best friend.”
“You don’t have to worry about…”
“Just promise me. I don’t need to hear how much you love him or any of that other shit. I just need to hear two words from you.”
If she didn’t think I was an asshole yet, she would now. She couldn’t blame me for not wanting to hear all the lovey-dovey sappy shit she felt for Hayes. I’d rather fall on a pitchfork than listen to those declarations.
She shifted around in her seat, not quite looking entirely pissed off at me, but I could sense some apprehension in the way she was looking over my shoulder and to the side, searching for any sign of Hayes. Once she refocused back on me, I lifted a brow in question, waiting for a response.
“I promise…Mal.” She whispered, causing a rush of tingles to explode throughout my body at the sound of my name coming out of her mouth. Though it fell past her lips, it sounded more like it had been trapped inside her chest for a long time, and she was finally letting it go. I was too caught up in the moment, so entranced by the enigma of Hayes’s girl that I didn’t even realize he had come back from the bathroom.
Her eyes were stolen the moment he showed up. They lit up so powerfully that I knew it would be a losing game. Her heart and soul were captured before I could even have a second chance. Little invisible hearts floated above both their heads as Hayes took hold of her palm and brought it up to his mouth.
“Sorry it took so long, Hendricks stopped me on my way back and talked my damn ear off.” He chucked while coating her hand in short kisses. The sweet gesture burned my retinas and caused my eyes to divert away.
“Is Kate with him?” Doe asked with a hopeful tone that had me wondering who Kate was.
“Yeah, uh… she must be workin’ him over pretty good too.” He laughed again. “Apparently, she walked up to him and kissed the hell out of him, but when she pulled away, she told him, ‘Sorry, I thought you were someone else.’
“Oh my god, she did not.”
“Yeah, and now she’s not even giving him the time of day, apparently. Driving the poor guy nuts, but I think he secretly likes it.”
Snorting, I brought my beer to my lips while imagining Hendricks losing his shit over a girl who wanted nothing to do with him.
“She’s been in love with him for months now, Hayes… I hope she knows what she’s doing...”
Huh, well, that’s an interesting fucking tactic to use.
“I think she’s got it handled, Blue.” I heard some more kissing sounds, and I wished there was a way to sink into the floor and disappear.
Seconds passed, and I felt Hayes’s attention shift over to me. I avoided his stare the best I could, but I knew that I couldn’t evade him forever. “Thanks for staying with her.”
I knew I couldn’t just nod in response without getting a million questions. Even though my throat was charred with the remnants of Doe and I’s conversation, I managed to pull some words together.
“You don’t need to thank me.”
Because he didn’t. Despite everything, the last thing he needed to worry about was Doe when she was with me. She’d be the safest fuckin’ person in the world, and it would never be a chore or burden for me to watch over her. If anything, it was a gift I didn’t deserve but would selfishly take any time he’d asked.
“Well, I appreciate it nonetheless.” He tipped his head as Doe leaned her head back onto his chest. A look of contentment spread across her face. Nothing like how she looked when she was with me.
Fuck, why was I torturing myself by staying here watching them?
