Page 84 of Nodus Tollens
Expressionless.
There was nothing readable in her stare. Nothing that I could make out that would distinguish whether she was upset, confused, or surprised. If anything, her indifference pissed me off. At least, fucking give me something. Anything instead of this.
I tore my eyes off hers before I completely lost it and said something I would regret. My heart thumped wildly, and it didn’t help that I had eager hands clawing at my shirt. So, giving Hayes one final nod in acknowledgment, I said goodbye to what could have been. I started to walk past them with the notion of forgetting and moving on when Doe’s eyes cut to mine. I knew she was saying goodbye, too.
It lasted seconds, and then she refocused back onto Hayes with a smile.
20
WREN
The second after Mal had departed with an overly eager blonde in tow, I was bombarded with a rush of emotions. None of which made me joyous. It was obvious it wasn’t his first time leaving with a woman. If anything, he knew exactly what he was doing. Tall and built like an ox, he was an easy target for the hungry bar flies who swarmed around here looking for their next victim to latch onto. Unfortunately, I wasn’t expecting him to be so willing. It bothered me more than it should have, and I hated that it made me feel that way.
How often did that happen, and was hanging out at the bar a regular occurrence for them? And before me, was Hayes also leaving with women he met at the bar?
It felt like my stomach had dropped at the thought of him being with another woman. Jealousy surged through me like no other, and it only worsened when I peered up at Hayes, who watched Mal disappear into the crowd with an amused smirk across his face. It was totally unnecessary for me to feel the way I felt. Just because I wasn’t experienced didn’t mean he was too. Besides, anything he would have done would have been in the past, before me, and although it really sucked thinking about it, I just had to accept it. Then, when his attention shifted back onto me, I realized why I shouldn’t be jealous. Not when his whole face lit up the second his eyes found mine like he was staring into something that was beyond precious to him.
Like I was his entire world.
God…how I wanted to be.
“Does he do that often?” I blurted out, instantly regretting it.
His eyebrows dip for a second. “Who, Mal?”
Nodding, I can’t stop my face from heating up in embarrassment.
“Not as often as you’d think. I’d say, compared to most guys on the team, he’s less…active.”
My throat contracted.
“And what about you?” I impulsively asked as my hand immediately flew to cover my mouth.
Oh my god, kill me now. I did not just ask that.
Spinning in my chair, I turned away from him, avoiding his face entirely. I was beyond appalled that the question had flown out of my mouth with no filter, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to look him in the eye after this. Not when I felt mortified beyond belief and had a strong need to search for the exit sign.
“You can’t just ask a question like that and turn away from me, Blue.” He half chuckled, half spoke with sincerity in his tone that had my heart racing. I knew it was worse for me to try and evade him, but I was afraid of what his answer would be. Whatever it was, it wouldn’t change my mind about him, but I felt nervous and ashamed. Not enough.
“I shouldn’t have asked. It’s none of my business.”
I could feel the heat of him against my back. No longer touching me, he just stood there as if contemplating what to say to me.
“You can ask me whatever you want. You don’t need to be embarrassed or ashamed about asking questions you want to know the answers to.” His voice was gentle and soothing, like a balm, as it washed over me. The tension in my shoulders gradually eased, and my head slowly started to turn as I glanced over my shoulder at him.
His eyes were filled with vulnerability. His hands were stiffly stuffed into his pockets, though I could sense his need to reach for me. “I won’t lie to you. I’ve had my fair share of one-night stands. I won’t blame it all on hockey, but when you’re riding high off winning a championship the first year you’re playing, it’s easy to get caught up in it all.” His stare dropped to the ground for a second before coming back to me. “But that’s not who I am anymore. I haven’t been for a while, actually”.
Even though it stung to hear about his sexual escapades, I didn’t feel as embarrassed anymore. Not when he provided me an answer without hesitation.
“I get it.” I swallowed, not knowing how to respond. “It seems like that’s how most of your teammates are, popular with the chicks.” I chuckled, but it came out forced.
“Most of ‘em’, yeah, but not all.” He pulled his hand out of his pocket and held out his palm for me to grab. With no delay, I placed my hand into his and let him pull me off the chair until I was standing directly in front of him. “Some get lucky and find what they’ve been missing.”
His mossy eyes are now clouded over as he uses his grip on my hand to yank me in closer. With a soft yelp, I brace my opposite palm on his chest and grin.
“Oh yeah? And are you one of the lucky ones?” I tilted my chin, making sure his eyes would catch the dreamy look he put across my face. His eyes softened at my cheeky smile, and within seconds, he had my face in his hold.
“I’m the luckiest man out there, Blue.” He dipped his face and caught my mouth in a gentle, soul-wrenching kiss. “Nothing compares to being with you. Not even hockey can compete with this.”
