Page 162 of Aftersome
Blog Entry #11:
I’m sorry that I disappeared and I’m so sorry if I let anyone down. I thought I was someone who is strong, determined, but it turns out I’m nothing more than a coward who hurts the ones I love the most.
In the end, my lies had caught up with me and I lost the most precious thing in my life because of it. In my attempts at protecting him, in the end I only hurt him.
So much so that I can barely look at myself in the mirror anymore.
In a world that I had lost hope so many times, I thought I had found my happily ever after.
But I lost it.
I lost him and now I have to live with that pain for the rest of my life.
If you’re still here, reading this, just know that I appreciate every single one of you. I’m so sorry if I disappointed anyone, but just know that I’m disappointed in myself too.
I don’t know when or if I’ll be back.
I need some time to work on myself.
I hope you all understand.
Ihadn’t spoken to Alice since I left for Seattle. Already, I had felt like a shitty person for lying to everyone I loved, but the realization that I never once contacted Alice during all of this made my chest cave in.
I hated that I didn’t reach out to her.
Not even to talk, not even to ask for advice that I know she would give in a heartbeat, but instead, I became too wrapped up in Mal and everything else going on, I forgot about one of the most important people I’ve ever known.
With sluggish, unsure steps, I climbed up the rest of her front porch until I came face to face with her white door.
Already, I wanted to cry in relief from the sight of it.
Even if she was mad at me, at least I’d have the comfort of being near her again.
Then lifting my hand, I softly tapped my knuckles against the door until I heard the faint sounds of her footsteps approaching.
“Who is it?” she shouted from beyond the door, causing an instant smile to hit my face.
God, I missed her voice.
“It’s me.” My voice cracked.
There was a brief moment of silence that had my heart pounding.
“Who’s me?” she asked as if she couldn’t recognize my voice. For some reason, that hurt.
“It’s me, Wren.”
Another chest-caving second of silence greeted me.
“Wren who?”
Sighing, I knew she was now messing with me, but it still hurt to hear.
“Alice, please…” I begged quietly. “Can you please open the door so I can talk to you?”
A rumble of unknown words echoed from behind the door and soon she was unlocking it and opening it until I could see the very tips of her slippers peeking out.
“Sorry, I think you may have the wrong house. I don’t know a Wren.”
