Page 79 of Aftersome
“And I hate that you’re here.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “So much.”
Another slow, small step.
“I know, and I’m sorry I won’t leave, but you know that I can’t.”
She then broke out in a mixture between a laugh and a cry.
“You won’t or you can’t? Which is it, Mal?”
Up until now, I was able to meet her stare. I was never the one to look away first, but right now, I could barely handle it.
The intensity.
It made me feel crazy on the inside. It made me want to flee from all these emotions I wasn’t used to, but Doe was reasoning enough for me to stay.
“I won’t,” I admitted.
The statement shifted everything. Even the energy in the room had hit a point where only silence and deep breaths could be heard. No words were needed yet. Only the realization and acceptance of what I had just confessed.
“I won’t leave you because I think you need me.” I used her same words from the day on the plane. I may be struggling withthe idea of needing her, but I knew more than anything that she needed me.
At least right now she needed me.
Her watery eyes found mine and soon recognition had hit her. Her swollen lip wobbled along with her tiny frame as she slowly dropped her arms from around her waist. She looked overwhelmed by my words and for a moment, I thought she might refute my honesty.
I waited for what felt like hours. Desperate for any sort of reaction because I was afraid I might grab her before she said anything. The longer I stood there, the harder it was for me to pretend like I wasn’t nervous.
Because I fucking was.
And I hated it deeply.
I hated the warped feelings that were currently flowing through me and it had been years since I had felt anything similar to it.
She was the center of it. The cause. The one denying factor that drove me to insanity. Even now, I felt as out of control as she did.
On the brink of combustion.
Then, when I could no longer handle the silence, I opened my mouth.
Ready to beg.
Ready to plead for some sort of truce.
“Doe…”
In a flash, she was jumping toward me. Her arms taking purchase around my neck as she held on to me for dear life. I had no time to process what was happening or think twice about the consequences. Instead, I let her bury her head into the crook of my neck where she let it all out.
More tears.
More sadness.
On instinct, I wrapped an arm around her waist while the other cradled the back of her head. The beating of her heart was suddenly a reminder of how tightly pressed up against me she was.
I was then transported to that day eleven years ago. Me trying my damn hardest to comfort her the best I could while trying to hold in my own rage and disbelief. I pulled her in tighter as it all came flooding back.
All the reasons why I decided to leave and never look back. All the restless nights.
Maybe she’d been right all along.
