Page 86 of Aftersome
Eventually, I heard the soft sounds of her snoring and instead of leaving, I pulled her blanket over us. It didn’t take long before my eyes grew heavy but before I let myself fall asleep, I whispered the words I had always said on this day in hopes that he could hear me.
Another year down, Decker. I hope you’re happy up there, I love you.
30
MAL
Mentally, I felt good today.
Better than I had in a long time, but my body kept trying to retaliate. With every sudden movement I made out on the ice, a jolt of pain would shoot from every which angle. Shoulder, leg, arm, every muscle was protesting, but I had no other choice to continue. We were playing a rough and tumble team, with scrappy-as-fuck players who had zero qualms about dishing out pain. Remaining focused was the only way we could pull through tonight and luckily, thanks to Vince, we were ahead.
Our team had the puck, and as I noticed a player home in on Vince, my initial reaction was to protect.
And that’s what I did, but as I powered forward, I was knocked hard into my side.
The second I was hit, I knew I was going down. What felt like flames had shot through my shoulder and sent me sprawling out onto the ice in agony. It felt like the bone had been ripped from the socket.
“Fuck, Mal.” Hendricks came up beside me, along with a few other teammates who I couldn’t make out even if I tried. Myvision was clouded with dancing stars and for a second there, I thought I was on the verge of passing out.
“You’re all right, man,” Hendricks had said beside me. “We got you.” I felt a few gloved hands reach for me and soon, they were pulling me onto my feet. My arm instantly screamed in protest, but with gritted teeth, I was finally up.
I clutched tightly onto my shoulder, afraid that any movement might further damage it but even then, just holding on to the spot sent excruciating pain down my arm. As I skated off the ice, I was met by Coach who looked at me with worry etched across his face.
He knew it was bad.
“How is it?” he asked as I made my way down the bench and on a low hiss, lowered myself down until I was sitting.
“Hurts, but it’ll be all right,” I lied, refusing to be in the same position I was once in before. Already I could sense what would happen and that’s why I tried my best to rein in the pain.
Pretend as if it wasn’t ever there.
“It’s the same shoulder, Villareal. I know it ain’t all right.” He huffed and looked away from me. “Trevor!” he shouted and soon, the last person I wanted to see was sauntering over to us. “I need you to look over his shoulder and anywhere else he might be hurt. And don’t come back until he actually tells you what’s bothering him. Got it?”
Fuck.
“Got it, Coach.”
Once we were in the training room, I used my hand to strip off my helmet and tossed it against the wall. A loud cracking sound filled the air, but I didn’t give a fuck. I didn’twant to be here or in this situation again and hopeless soon filled me. It made my chest ache in the worst possible way but it was nothing compared to the anger I felt.
My whole body was on fire.
I wanted to scream, hit, fucking lash out at anyone and anything around me. It was all so unfair and I felt as though my body was giving up on me. That it couldn’t handle any more beatings that I’ve been so carelessly putting it through. I knew I was approaching the end of my career but the thought of leaving hockey fucking terrified me.
Could this really be it?
Was my shoulder really going to be the factor that ended it all for me?
Every emotion I could ever feel was now firing off in all directions. I felt unstable, frustrated, and so goddamn lost as I began to pace the room.
“Mal, I’m going to need you to calm down and sit,” Trevor said from beside an exam table where he watched me with a hesitant gaze. “I know you’re upset, but I need to make sure there’s no significant damage done to your shoulder.”
Fuck.
Just the sound of his voice pissed me off.
“Fuck my shoulder. This is bullshit,” I shouted, causing a sharp pain to burst throughout my shoulder.
My back bowed slightly as my teeth clenched together.
