Page 91 of Aftersome
So close that I was partially lying half of my body onto his.
At first, I remained stiff and unsure. Scared that any sudden movement I’d make would hurt him. Especially now that I was pressed up against his bare side, but if anything, he seemed more content by my closeness.
More at ease.
“Does this feel okay? Am I hurting you?” I asked while resting my head below his shoulder blade. His skin felt warm against my cheek. A soothing kind of heat that had my eyes closing from the feel of him.
And just when I thought things couldn’t get more complicated between us, I felt his cheek settle directly onto the top of my head.
“You’re fine, Doe. Quit worryin’ about me.”
I couldn’t help it, though.
Just like how he couldn’t help but worry about me.
It was instinctual.
“I could say the same to you.”
He grunted in response.
“Why’d you ignore my texts?” he finally asked as if it’d been eating at him to know why.
“I was busy, Mal,” I said instead of telling him the truth that I didn’t see his messages until later. I didn’t want him to know that if I had caught his texts earlier, I would have come immediately.
Maybe still with a little hesitancy, but I would have come nonetheless.
“Too busy to come to me?”
“I didn’t want to make things worse for you and I especially didn’t want to be on the receiving end of your anger,” I confessed, and I knew I’d be in for it the second I felt his cheek disappear from the top of my head. So, I took the opportunity to look at him as I pulled my head off his chest and continued. “I know you’re hurting just as badly on the inside as you are on the outside, Mal. But I have no clue how to help fix the inside of you. I don’t know how to be that person because deep down, I know you don’t want that.”
His eyes never left mine.
“And I’d be a fool to pretend to be that person.”
There was a pause. A long one too that only intensified the tension in the room until finally Mal responded.
“Listen to me, Doe. You don’t make things worse. If anything, having you around makes everything easier. And if I ever make you feel like that again, fucking tell me and I’ll apologize.” With eyes heavy and intense on mine, he meant business. “And I am hurting. I’m confused, outraged, scared, but I don’t expect you to fix it. I don’t expect you to have all the answers for me and to fix all the fucked-up broken pieces of me despite how badly I wish that you could. No one can fix me, Doe, but if anyone in the world could be that person, it would be you.”
I couldn’t help but gasp.
I had no idea what to expect from him, but it wasn’t that. It wasn’t words that had my heart seeking out his.
“And you’re right, I do fight it. I fight it every day, telling myself that you’re not mine and never will be. But I’m a selfish motherfucker, so when I text you saying that I need you, please… just come to me.”
It was the desperation in his tone. The way his eyes held on to mine as we exchanged what could only be described as a once-in-a-lifetime feeling.
“Mal…” I said his name in more of a plea. Almost as if telling him that if he continued, I didn’t know if I’d be able to handle more.
Especially being surrounded by everything Mal. His scent, his body, his warmth, I was under his spell entirely.
32
MAL
Icouldn’t tell you how many times I’d imagined claiming Doe’s mouth as mine. Hundreds? Thousands? Maybe even more, but even just thinking about it once was way too many fucking times. Deep down I knew it wasn’t going to be something that ever happened between us, even if we wanted it, it couldn’t.
At least, until now I had thought that.
