Page 149 of Into These Eyes
Exhaling, I turn to the fridge and busy myself by starting on lunch. As I butter bread, then slice tomatoes and cucumbers, I hear various sounds drifting from Jamie’s bedroom. A few gasps, murmured words between the sisters, maybe even some sniffling.
After cutting the sandwiches into quarters, I’m arranging them on a large plate when Anika’s voice rips through the house.
“No fuckingway!”It’s not an angry exclamation, but one of anguish, surprise and shock.
And now I hear not only sniffling, but actual sobs.
Fuck.
I force myself to grab glasses out of the cupboard and prepare cool drinks. I need to do something to keep from rushing in there to find out what the hell’s in that letter to elicit such a response.
Devouring a triangle sandwich in two bites, I pick up another and eat that, my ears straining the entire time. There’s plenty of talking, but I can’t make out the words, so I lean against the counter, eat another sandwich, and wait.
Thankfully, it’s not long before two pairs of bare feet hurry down the hallway. Then they’re standing in the kitchen, looking at me, both of their faces wet with tears.
The crazy thing is, neither of them look miserable. They appear kind of happy in a way I can’t comprehend. Yet they’re both wiping at tears that keep coming, staring at me like I’m the answer to a puzzle I know nothing about.
“I’ve made lunch, if you—” I cut myself off the moment Jamie breaks away from her sister, walks toward me and takes my hand. Leading me around the breakfast bar, she sits me on a stool.
As she hurries back to the other side and pulls Anika in close, she removes the pink envelope from her pocket, places it on the counter and slides it across to me.
“You need to read it,” she says, her voice straining with emotion I can’t decipher.
Even though Anika has tears running down her cheeks, she’s bouncing on the balls of her feet in anticipation.
I’m desperate to know why, but I hesitate. “It doesn’t feel right to read something so personal to you both.”
Jamie smiles through her tears. “Trust us, it’s personal to you, too.”
What the hell does that mean?“Just tell me,” I say, my heart thumping in my ears.
Jamie shakes her head. “No. We want you to find out the same way we did.”
I little reluctantly, I pick up the envelope, surprised to find my hand shaking. Slowly, I slide the folded letter free and pause, not sure if I’m ready for whatever it contains, for whatever has these two women in front of me so emotional.
“Fuck’s sake, dickwad. Just fucking read it,” Anika blurts.
Unfolding the pages, with the sisters watching, I read.
My dearest Jamie,
If you’re reading this letter, it’s because you hate me and have refused to talk to me for far too long. I don’t blame you. I’d hateme too. All I can hope is that what I’m about to tell you will open your heart enough to forgive me, even if it’s just a little.
I hope by now you’ve been lucky enough to experience the thrill and heartache of love, so you'll have an understanding of why I had to do what I did.
I fell madly in love with Lachlan Lake when I was 16. My Lockie. He was new at school, finishing his final year. We were instantly attracted to each other. Neither of us had ever felt anything like it. He was my first love in every way. But months later, the ex-girlfriend he left behind at his old school revealed she was pregnant.
We were devastated. They’d been childhood sweethearts who grew apart and broke up before his family moved. Unfortunately, he left something behind. And being the man he was, he knew he had to do the right thing by her and his child. That’s the kind of person he is. And part of the reason I love him. So, he went back to her.
I think I cried for a year. But I was never alone. Your father was constantly by my side. You know most of our story. But what you don’t know is that I never felt for him the way he wanted me to. There’s something to be said for perseverance and an unshakeable love for another. That’s what he had for me. And almost a year after Lockie left, I gave in. And along came you.
A gift that changed my heart. Moving the love I had for Lockie to you helped me accept his loss. You became my world, and I learnt that we don’t always get what we want, but like the song goes, sometimes we get what we need. And that was you, Jamie.
I loved your father, but I never had that amazing, all consuming, electric charge I had with Lockie. I yearned for it, but accepted it would never be a part of my life, so I embraced what I did have.
Until fate brought Lockie back into my life.
I’d dropped you at a birthday party and went to a grocery store in that area. And there he was, testing avocado after avocado. The moment we saw each other, time became irrelevant. All those feelings were right there between us, as raw and intense as ever.
