Page 154 of Into These Eyes
I swallow over the tightness forming in my throat. Because maybe I do. And I really,reallydon’t want to. It’s easier to continue to hate him, to just leave things as they are. Isn’t it?
But even as those thoughts streak through my brain, I remember telling Jamie the same thing when she found out I was innocent. If she’d thought it was easier just to leave things alone, where would I be now? Not here, that’s for sure.
“He wouldn’t have been able to think straight,” she says. “The police would have bombarded him with questions, timelines, the state of your relationship with him. I bet he barely even knew what was going on. He would have been in shock, if not already in the grip of grief. And the police were telling him they had her killer. That his own son was caught in the act. That there was no question of his guilt. How does someone who feels like they’ve just lost everything deal with that?”
“I’d say they either shut down, or get fucking angry.”
“Yeah, I think so, too.” She pauses for a moment, gently smoothing down my beard with her palms. “I wonder if, over time, he realised he’d been wrong to turn his back on you? Maybe he still believes you killed her, and even if it changes nothing, isn’t it worth hearing what he has to say?”
She’s not demanding anything or judging me. She’s simply making me think. Only problem there is, she makes me want to do better, to try harder to see things from a different perspective. And I suppose, most importantly, to get over myself.
“When do you think you’ll stop being so damn incredible?” I ask.
For the first time, she looks away and mumbles, “I’m not.”
Gently touching her jaw, I force her to meet my eyes again. “Yes. You. Are.”
Her gaze skitters away. I wait patiently until it returns to mine.
“Jamie, this isn’t just a surface level thing for me. The way I feel about you goes deep. All the way down deep. Maybe even scary deep.”
“I’m not scared,” she whispers. “Not one little bit.”
“I am,” I confess.
Unease flickers behind her eyes.
“Not of you, J.” I take her hand and press it to my chest. “Of what you do to me in here. I’m scared that you can change my heart and mind about things I resolved toneverchange my mind about.”
“Are you saying—”
“Anika should meet her father. Before she leaves.”
“And you?” she asks, her hand pressing against my chest.
“I don’t know.”
“What if … I call him, and put him on speaker? He won’t know you’re listening. You’ll be able to hear his voice, his reactions. Maybe that’ll give you a bit more insight into who he is now.But Gavin,” she rushes on, “you don’t have to do that either. It’s totally up to you. Whatever you decide, I’ve got your back.”
Chapter 40
Jamie
“Do it,” Gavin finally says.
I know those two little words weren’t easy for him, but I’m so proud of him for taking this small step. Mum’s letter held so many revelations, but hidden beneath her words was a deeper truth. That life is short and unpredictable. I’m sure, if something happened to Gavin’s father and he never tried, he might get lost in the darkness I know still lives buried deep inside him. But heistrying. And that’s all I want for him.
After searching for Lachlan Lake in the White Pages on my phone, we discover only two entries for an L Lake in New South Wales. And one of them is a woman.
Wanting to give him some space for this, I climb off his lap. As I punch in the phone number and pace over the floorboards, he sits on the edge of the bed, watching me. Only when he nods do I press the dial icon, then I put it on speaker.
“Hello?” a man answers above a TV blaring in the background.
I lock eyes with Gavin. “Am I speaking to Lachlan Lake?”
“If this’s a scammer, you can bugger right off,” he says bluntly.
“No, Mr. Lake. I’m Jamie Evans.”
