Page 161 of Into These Eyes
“I don’t under—”
“You, Jamie.You.” He reaches between us and holds my hand. “She told me how lucky she was, that not many kids who lose their mothers get an instant replacement. She knows how hard you worked to make her feel special; how much of your life you sacrificed for her. Just like me, she knows how extraordinary you are.”
“She said that?” I choke out.
“She did. She also said your mother may have given birth to her, but you were the one who raised her, who’ll be thereon her wedding day, who’ll hold her children as if they’re your grandbabies.”
I squeeze his hand, not sure how much more my heart can take.
“So, if you think about it, her rule’s probably valid. No one wants to hear their mother having sex, right?”
I shake my head. “She wasn’t just being a pain the arse.”
“Oh, I’m sure there’s that, too.”
I huff out a laugh, my throat loosening. “I never realised she thought of me that way.”
“Feel good?”
Knowing Anika appreciates what I did for her, that she feels like she has a mother, creates a deep, warm pool inside me. “I was never sure if I’d screwed everything up when it came to raising her.”
“You didn’t screw up,” he says softly. “She’s her own person. A little spitfire who doesn’t take shit from anyone. She has a light in her that you didn’t try to extinguish, but nurtured. And it’s pretty obvious that made her quite a handful.”
I chuckle and nod, and suddenly, I want to let him in and reveal a little piece of me no one knows. “After Mum’s funeral, Dad refused to take me to her grave. So, once a month I’d sneak away with Anika and take the bus there. I struggled with the idea that it might not be the best place for a kid, but I couldn’t stand the thought of hiding our mother from her. She was so little, I knew Mum would fade from her memory fast. I felt like she deserved to have both her daughters remember her. So, I’d put down a blanket on Mum’s grave, and we’d have a picnic. Each time I took her there, I’d tell her different stories about our mother. I think those memories helped make Mum a real person for her, because as Anika got older, she’d remindmeof some silly thing our mother had done, as if it was her own memory. When that started happening, it made me feel less alone too.”
As his fingertips sweep tendrils of hair behind my ear, he stares at me with what I think is adoration.
“J, you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever known. I only wish I knew a billion people so you’d understand how much I mean that. I know, coming from me, it doesn’t hold much weight.”
My heart melts for this man. “It means everything,” I whisper, “becauseit’s coming from you.”
He kisses me, soft and sweet, with so much meaning behind it, no words are necessary.
“Come on,” he eventually says. “Let’s get some sleep.”
Turning me away, he spoons me, his hand resting over my heart where I hold it tight. I wiggle around a little to get comfy, then have to wiggle a little more so his erection nestles into the cleavage of my butt cheeks. “Is that going to be there all night?”
“I’d say so, since I’m living one of my favourite fantasies.”
I give my backside another cheeky wiggle. “This is a fantasy?”
“Not that,” he grumbles. “Having a particular woman in bed, spooning her while we fall asleep. That’s what I craved the most, what I thought would forever be a just a dream.”
I squeeze my eyes shut and take a deep breath.
“Don’t say anything. Just know how happy this makes me. How happyyoumake me.” He kisses my shoulder, then lays his head behind mine. “Goodnight, J.”
Feeling exactly the same way, I smile into the darkness and whisper, “Goodnight, Shawshank.”
Waking on my back, the first thing I notice is an arm angled across my torso and a large, warm hand cupping my breast. I open my eyes and look down, loving the way the strength in thathand and arm seem to own my body, yet at the same time, touch me so tenderly.
Shifting my line of sight to the side, I find him asleep, lying on his stomach, face twisted toward me, lips pressed to my bare shoulder. With his dishevelled hair and relaxed features, he reminds me of the boy in that courtroom. Back then, my hatred made me see nothing but a monster. Now, all I see is a loving, gorgeous man. Inside and out.
Amazing what a different perspective can do.
What the heart can do.
While I gaze at the man I’m madly in love with, I’m overcome with the knowledge that, for the first time in my life, I haven’t slept alone.
