Page 163 of Into These Eyes
By the time Jamie finds a parking spot, the temperature has already roared into the mid-thirties. I thought I might be able to watch their meeting from the safety of the car, but that’s not happening.
We all get out, Jamie coming around to take my hand in hers as we scan the beautiful park. No playground exists here. Just a lovely expanse of neatly kept lawns with leafy English oaks and liquid ambers scattered throughout, providing much needed shade amongst the Australian natives. Park benches rest beneath the dense canopies, and in the distance, I spot my father waiting on one. He’s far enough away that his features aren’t clear, but I know it’s him.
I catch Anika’s eye and tilt my head toward him. “He’s here.”
She snaps her head in his direction, and grabs my upper arm, her fingers curling around it too tight. “Are you coming?”
“I’m not sure yet. Either way, you should see him first. This is about you, not me.” Jamie’s hand squeezes mine and I squeeze back.
Anika lets out a little scoff. “Why the fuck am I so nervous?”
“You’ll be fine,” Jamie reassures her.
“Me?You’re coming too.”
“You should meet him one-on-one, Ank. Like Gavin said, this is about you. It’s a huge moment for you both. I’ll meet him when you’re ready.”
“Fuck that. I need you, Jamie. Like,reallyneed you, okay? Please.”
Jamie gives me another squeeze, releases me and holds her hand out to her sister. “Are you sure?”
Anika grabs it like a life preserver and nods.
I smile and give Jamie a wink. Tough little Anika needs her mum for this. It doesn’t surprise me one little bit. I tilt my head in the opposite direction. “I’ll wait over there.”
“Okay.” Jamie turns to Anika. “You ready?”
Anika takes a deep breath. “Ready.”
Instead of heading off to the park bench I spotted under a dense liquid amber, I find my feet rooted to the parking lot’s hot bitumen, watching my girls, hand-in-hand, head toward the man I vowed I’d never forgive, let alone see again.
As they grow closer, my father stands and walks toward them. I notice his gait no longer has that bounce I once knew. He doesn’t seem as tall, his shoulders slightly rounded, and even from here I can see his dirty blond hair is several shades lighter.
When they’re only ten metres or so apart, his steps falter. I can’t be sure from this distance, but I swear it looks like utter shock on his face.
And then his knees give out.
I tense as Jamie and Anika race to his side, their hands on him, supporting him.
Is he having a fucking heart attack?
My legs want to run toward them, but my heart keeps me frozen. What if he dies right here and now? What if he’s gonebefore I even make a decision about whether I want to talk to him or not?
Shaking, I take a few steps forward. Then stop. Jamie and Anika help him to his feet and guide him back to the park bench. They sit on either side of him, both holding a hand each. Since no one’s frantically pulling their phones out and calling for help, I gather he’s in no danger of keeling over.
Turning my back on them, I head to the kiosk across the road, my mouth dry from not only the heat, but the shot of adrenalin that’s ebbing from my system.
With an ice-cold can of Coke in hand, I traipse back across the scorching parking lot and take a seat under the shade of a liquid amber. As I watch, the party of three rise and head off in the opposite direction.
After I open the can and take a long drink, a notification pings on my phone.
JAMIE: Going for a walk. Once we’re out of sight, I’ll tell him you’re here. I’ll call you when we’re heading back so you can make a decision. I love you. J.
I concentrate on the positive. My first message from Jamie Evans telling me she loves me. In writing. I grin like a fool, my heart bouncing happily around in my chest.
Then I go over the rest of the message. Once again, she’s giving me an out. I can run and hide when I know they’re coming back, or I can sit here and face him.
I’ve already made my decision. The moment he fell to his knees brought all the clarity I needed. I know, deep down, I couldn’t live with myself if he died before I hear what he has to say. I’m under no delusion that his excuses will allow me to forgive him, but I won’t deny him the chance to put them forward.
